I am who I am, nothing more and nothing less.
I get excited by the little things. When I am really excited I clap my hands like a little kid. Sometimes the smallest things can really amuse me and make me happy!
I am emotional. I cry when I am happy, when I am sad, when I am scared, and when I am mad. My heart breaks for other people. My feelings are like potato chips, easily crushed. Words DO HURT! Sometimes they hurt more then physical actions.
I don't forget anything, I will drop it and never mention it again, but I never forget. I hold grudges, even if people don't know it. That's a bad quality, but I can't help it.
I get jealous from time to time, but I try never to show it. I am happy for the stuff people have and have earned. So I try my hardest not to let anyone know and hurt anyone's happiness.
I care about people way more then I should sometimes. I hold on to everyone it seems, even if they should be let go! I care about everyone's opinion, this has really effected me in my life. People are just mean and it's hard to rise above that.
I love to sing as loud as I can with the radio blasting. I feel like I sing and dance best in the car. I love when Hailey joins in.
I love cars and trucks, I know alot about them too. But I don't let it consume my life or drain my bank account. I have a lift kick on the way for the Jeep, but only after I have saved and budgeted for it. I won't be late on any bills or have to borrow money from anyone. It's okay when you do little things, but not when your priorities aren't set right.
I believe there is good in everyone. I believe in helping people out because not everyone is as lucky as me. I may not have a perfect life, but I have a roof over my head to keep me warm and dry, a job to pay the bills, and a healthy happy little girl. There is nothing more in my life that I NEED then that. I think everyone has a story to be told, you shouldn't judge someone because you never know what they are going through or have gone through.
I am a planner. I plan everything. I plan my life out, so I don't know how to handle change. It's not part of my plan. I guess it's part of the overall big plan in life, but it's not part of MY plan! I plan my money, I plan my career, I plan my schooling. I just feel a need to plan everything.
Overall I think I am a good person. I am not perfect by any means, I have major flaws, but overall I think I am a fun loving, good person. I want to make people smile and have a good time. Right now I feel like I am stuck in the crossroads. I don't know which way I should go. I don't know what I need to let go of. I think deep down I know all the answers, but I just don't want to believe them. I think these decisions are holding me back. They are keeping me from being me. When someone doesn't appreciate the person you are, you start to lose sight of who you really are. What am I to do? I need to get through the holidays and really take time to do some real soul searching.
All I know is I am not happy. I am sad, and I don't want to be sad.........
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
21 Suggestions for Success
So I have been thinking more and more about these 21 Suggestions for Success.
I really want to work at this......
1. This is something I really need to think about. It is something that I am struggling with and really need some time to think on. So I am in progress of working on this one right now and really doing some soul searching.
2. Work at something you enjoy- I enjoy my job so I guess it can go deeper then this. I really need to play around with hobbies. Ones that I might like and will make me happy. I was watching someone crocet (sp) the other day and thought that that would be something relaxing and fun to do. I wouldn't want to sell them or anything, but maybe make a blanket for Hailey or someone. If I am good at it, then maybe I could make blankets and donate them. I know there is a group called "Project Linus" and they make blankets for premies. So I need to find something that I am good at and would enjoy doing, and keep the idea of making money out of it, do something for the good of other people. It never hurts to explore options!
3. This is one that I would like to try to work on. I believe I do alot for people and go out of my way for people. I like to make people happy. One thing that I feel I need to work on is my expectations of what I will get in return. Maybe I shouldn't expect people to be happy or say thank you. I shouldn't expect anything from anyone. I should do something for people and know that I did something good and thats all that matters.
4. I can definately be Debbie Downer at times. I need to focus on making sure my glass is always half full. I am a pretty optomistic person most of the time, but sometimes I get stuck on the little things. I need to accept things as they are and make the best out of every situation. My therapist said that I always ask "Why?" "Why did this happen?" "Why would they do that?", instead of asking why, I need to work on understanding that it is what it is. Make the best of it and move on. LET THE LITTLE THINGS GO!
5. I am a forgiver. I always forgive people, but I don't forget. I also tend to hold grudges and bring up things in the past that I haven't forgotten. I need to work on forgiving and letting it go. If I forgive then it should end it, close the door on that situation. I have alot of resentment for a few people. I need to forgive them and just know they are what they are. Holding all the anger and sadness in, just is hurting me so much worse in the long run. Forgivvvvve!
6. Be Generous- This is one I am working on. I have donated to a lot of causes in the past year. Also I plan on doing small payroll deductions for two organizations. I have a total of 26 paychecks a year. If $10 comes out each paycheck then that would be $260 given to an organization. I think I am going to do Ronald McDonald House Charities. This is an organization that my Aunt has used while my cousin was in the hospital a few hours from their house. They put her in a room for free and made sure she had everything she needed. When you have a child with an illness, the last thing you should be worrying about is where you are going to stay and how are you going to afford it. Thank God that I have not had to ever deal with this situation, but I know many people who have. So instead of stressing over giving a lump sum donation, I will just do it out of my paycheck and I will be able to give so much more!
7. I need to be more grateful of the things I have. I am lucky for so much. I should be grateful that I have a house that keeps me warm and dry, instead of wishing it was bigger. I should be grateful that I have a job, instead of complaining that I don't want to go to work in the morning. I should be grateful that I have a loving family, instead of focusing on the past and the little stuff. I should be grateful I have money and can pay my bills, instead of complaining about money and bills. I should be grateful that my daughter is healthy and alive, instead of complaining about the messes she makes or how I want time alone. I should be grateful that I have the friends I have, instead of getting stuck on little things that may irriate me. I should be grateful that I wake up every morning, instead of wishing I could stay in bed all day. I should be grateful that I have a vehicle, instead of complaining about gas. There are so many things that I have to be grateful for that I constantly overlook. Maybe this is where being a more positive person comes into place.
8. Persistance.....don't ever give up, keep going, make time for it, This could be used for the weight watchers and gym deal. Have persistance. Keep going. I have come so far, but lately I have hit a slump where I don't go to the gym and my eating habits are out of wack. I need to get back on track, keep going! And don't give up. No more "I'll start tomorrow" because with that attitude tomorrow may never come.
9. I just finished looking at my money and how I spend it. Last month I spent $411 on eating out! That's crazy! I need to really get back to packing lunches. Not only will this save money, but will also keep me on track for eating healthy! One thing I started doing was making coffee in the office! It saves me $2.12 a day by doing it that way!
10. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated....... This is a good one. I feel that I am usually friendly, but I judge people when I first meet them. So maybe instead of judging them, I need to always go into a situation with an open mind.
11. Commit yourself to constant improvement....... I think by really focusing on these things and changing my outlook on life will help me improve the person I want to be. By getting back on track with weight watchers and working out I am comitting myself to make a happier and healthier life for myself.
I will have to work on the last 10 later! So stay tuned!
I really want to work at this......
1. This is something I really need to think about. It is something that I am struggling with and really need some time to think on. So I am in progress of working on this one right now and really doing some soul searching.
2. Work at something you enjoy- I enjoy my job so I guess it can go deeper then this. I really need to play around with hobbies. Ones that I might like and will make me happy. I was watching someone crocet (sp) the other day and thought that that would be something relaxing and fun to do. I wouldn't want to sell them or anything, but maybe make a blanket for Hailey or someone. If I am good at it, then maybe I could make blankets and donate them. I know there is a group called "Project Linus" and they make blankets for premies. So I need to find something that I am good at and would enjoy doing, and keep the idea of making money out of it, do something for the good of other people. It never hurts to explore options!
3. This is one that I would like to try to work on. I believe I do alot for people and go out of my way for people. I like to make people happy. One thing that I feel I need to work on is my expectations of what I will get in return. Maybe I shouldn't expect people to be happy or say thank you. I shouldn't expect anything from anyone. I should do something for people and know that I did something good and thats all that matters.
4. I can definately be Debbie Downer at times. I need to focus on making sure my glass is always half full. I am a pretty optomistic person most of the time, but sometimes I get stuck on the little things. I need to accept things as they are and make the best out of every situation. My therapist said that I always ask "Why?" "Why did this happen?" "Why would they do that?", instead of asking why, I need to work on understanding that it is what it is. Make the best of it and move on. LET THE LITTLE THINGS GO!
5. I am a forgiver. I always forgive people, but I don't forget. I also tend to hold grudges and bring up things in the past that I haven't forgotten. I need to work on forgiving and letting it go. If I forgive then it should end it, close the door on that situation. I have alot of resentment for a few people. I need to forgive them and just know they are what they are. Holding all the anger and sadness in, just is hurting me so much worse in the long run. Forgivvvvve!
6. Be Generous- This is one I am working on. I have donated to a lot of causes in the past year. Also I plan on doing small payroll deductions for two organizations. I have a total of 26 paychecks a year. If $10 comes out each paycheck then that would be $260 given to an organization. I think I am going to do Ronald McDonald House Charities. This is an organization that my Aunt has used while my cousin was in the hospital a few hours from their house. They put her in a room for free and made sure she had everything she needed. When you have a child with an illness, the last thing you should be worrying about is where you are going to stay and how are you going to afford it. Thank God that I have not had to ever deal with this situation, but I know many people who have. So instead of stressing over giving a lump sum donation, I will just do it out of my paycheck and I will be able to give so much more!
7. I need to be more grateful of the things I have. I am lucky for so much. I should be grateful that I have a house that keeps me warm and dry, instead of wishing it was bigger. I should be grateful that I have a job, instead of complaining that I don't want to go to work in the morning. I should be grateful that I have a loving family, instead of focusing on the past and the little stuff. I should be grateful I have money and can pay my bills, instead of complaining about money and bills. I should be grateful that my daughter is healthy and alive, instead of complaining about the messes she makes or how I want time alone. I should be grateful that I have the friends I have, instead of getting stuck on little things that may irriate me. I should be grateful that I wake up every morning, instead of wishing I could stay in bed all day. I should be grateful that I have a vehicle, instead of complaining about gas. There are so many things that I have to be grateful for that I constantly overlook. Maybe this is where being a more positive person comes into place.
8. Persistance.....don't ever give up, keep going, make time for it, This could be used for the weight watchers and gym deal. Have persistance. Keep going. I have come so far, but lately I have hit a slump where I don't go to the gym and my eating habits are out of wack. I need to get back on track, keep going! And don't give up. No more "I'll start tomorrow" because with that attitude tomorrow may never come.
9. I just finished looking at my money and how I spend it. Last month I spent $411 on eating out! That's crazy! I need to really get back to packing lunches. Not only will this save money, but will also keep me on track for eating healthy! One thing I started doing was making coffee in the office! It saves me $2.12 a day by doing it that way!
10. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated....... This is a good one. I feel that I am usually friendly, but I judge people when I first meet them. So maybe instead of judging them, I need to always go into a situation with an open mind.
11. Commit yourself to constant improvement....... I think by really focusing on these things and changing my outlook on life will help me improve the person I want to be. By getting back on track with weight watchers and working out I am comitting myself to make a happier and healthier life for myself.
I will have to work on the last 10 later! So stay tuned!
Monday, December 5, 2011
As the Days Fly By!
So I figured I would post something really quick to sort out my thoughts and figure out what needs to be done in the next week......
This past weekend I did a home vendor show on Saturday and then I did a fill in vendor show on Sunday. So I need to get that money into the bank and place the order that I got on Saturday. My plan was to have a lazy Sunday and work on my paper, clean, start decorating for Christmas, and just do things I wanted to do. But a vendor fair is always a good opportunity to sell my inventory and to potentially get some new customers. So now I need to fit those things in today!
So tonight: I need to go to CSM in Prince Frederick and pick up my cap and gown. Then I am hoping to get home and start cleaning. The trash needs to go out, so I need to round all that up. Also it would be nice to do the dishes, I am running out of paper plates and plastic spoons! I need to do dishes ASAP! So trash duty, dishes, and the final load of laundry are all in the works for tonight! Not to mention my discussion board post due at midnight. Also I need to send money for Hailey to school. She has a Santa workshop this week, where the students can go buy gifts for their parents. How exciting!
Tuesday: Pick Hailey up, take her to school for the book fair and then the health expo night. Continue cleaning!!!!!
Wednesday: I need to telework so that I can get Hailey off the bus. I hope to finish work at 3:30 and then head to Waldorf. I need to get my nails filled (I found a place that does them super cheap and I haven't had them done since mid October! $20 for 2 months! I say Hell Yeah!), then I need to go to the mall and make some exchanges. I need to take some stuff back to Kohls, then I need to take something back to Sephora, and then I need to take back a pair of boots to JC Penny. I also need to pick up my glasses that are getting new lenses in them. Then I hope to be hope soon enough that I can mayybe start putting up the tree or atleast making room for it?
Thursday- Dance night with Hailey.
Friday- I need to meet the girl with a Scentsy party open and get her orders and close her party out.
Saturday- I was invited to go to the Holly Jolly musical in Calvert in the evening, but I have not heard anymore about that! I need to check on that. Also Saturday is when my big project is due for my English class.
So in between all that stuff I need to find time to do my project for English and begin preparing for my English exam on Monday. I have a lot to do a head of me, but I guess if I take it one step at a time then I will get it all done. I am actually considering getting rid of my facebook site for this week, so that I can take the time to really work on everything I need to get done. Ahhhhhh. It will be okay though!!!! Now my quick break is over and its coffee time and time to get back to work!
This past weekend I did a home vendor show on Saturday and then I did a fill in vendor show on Sunday. So I need to get that money into the bank and place the order that I got on Saturday. My plan was to have a lazy Sunday and work on my paper, clean, start decorating for Christmas, and just do things I wanted to do. But a vendor fair is always a good opportunity to sell my inventory and to potentially get some new customers. So now I need to fit those things in today!
So tonight: I need to go to CSM in Prince Frederick and pick up my cap and gown. Then I am hoping to get home and start cleaning. The trash needs to go out, so I need to round all that up. Also it would be nice to do the dishes, I am running out of paper plates and plastic spoons! I need to do dishes ASAP! So trash duty, dishes, and the final load of laundry are all in the works for tonight! Not to mention my discussion board post due at midnight. Also I need to send money for Hailey to school. She has a Santa workshop this week, where the students can go buy gifts for their parents. How exciting!
Tuesday: Pick Hailey up, take her to school for the book fair and then the health expo night. Continue cleaning!!!!!
Wednesday: I need to telework so that I can get Hailey off the bus. I hope to finish work at 3:30 and then head to Waldorf. I need to get my nails filled (I found a place that does them super cheap and I haven't had them done since mid October! $20 for 2 months! I say Hell Yeah!), then I need to go to the mall and make some exchanges. I need to take some stuff back to Kohls, then I need to take something back to Sephora, and then I need to take back a pair of boots to JC Penny. I also need to pick up my glasses that are getting new lenses in them. Then I hope to be hope soon enough that I can mayybe start putting up the tree or atleast making room for it?
Thursday- Dance night with Hailey.
Friday- I need to meet the girl with a Scentsy party open and get her orders and close her party out.
Saturday- I was invited to go to the Holly Jolly musical in Calvert in the evening, but I have not heard anymore about that! I need to check on that. Also Saturday is when my big project is due for my English class.
So in between all that stuff I need to find time to do my project for English and begin preparing for my English exam on Monday. I have a lot to do a head of me, but I guess if I take it one step at a time then I will get it all done. I am actually considering getting rid of my facebook site for this week, so that I can take the time to really work on everything I need to get done. Ahhhhhh. It will be okay though!!!! Now my quick break is over and its coffee time and time to get back to work!
Stop Procrasinating, Procrasinator!
Ahhhhh I do this to myself every time! I am always rushing around last minute sloping together my papers because I wait until the last minute. I had a huge paper due last night at 12am and I submited it at 11:59:50. Woah! Talk about cutting it close! So we shall see how I do on that paper. Hopefully not to bad, but I will admit, it did get sloppy halfway through.
Another problem is that I will be typing and something will pop into my brain and I will have to do it then and there or I can't concentrate! Like paint my toe nails! Had to be done right then and there in the middle of page 4 of my paper. Then I thought it was a good idea to post on Facebook about how I was procrasinating. Then I had to comment and make a couple other posts. Then I got some ice cream for Hailey and I. I got her in bed, started a load of laundry, and then took a shower. All that had to be done at 9pm in the middle of page 4. Ahhhhhhhh! Luckily I always get it done. I have always gotten it done atleast!
I have a major research paper due in on the 10th and I am not allowing myself to procrasinate on that one. I am already struggling in the class and if I don't graduate because I waited until the last minute to slop something together then I will never forgive myself. I have worked so hard in college all these years, and dammit! I plan on graduating this winter! So I only have a handful of assignments left and 3 weeks! Then I will be done with CSM (I better be!) and will be graduating in January.
Next on my list of things to do.......sign up for 5 or 6 classes at UMUC for the Spring! It never ends! :)
Another problem is that I will be typing and something will pop into my brain and I will have to do it then and there or I can't concentrate! Like paint my toe nails! Had to be done right then and there in the middle of page 4 of my paper. Then I thought it was a good idea to post on Facebook about how I was procrasinating. Then I had to comment and make a couple other posts. Then I got some ice cream for Hailey and I. I got her in bed, started a load of laundry, and then took a shower. All that had to be done at 9pm in the middle of page 4. Ahhhhhhhh! Luckily I always get it done. I have always gotten it done atleast!
I have a major research paper due in on the 10th and I am not allowing myself to procrasinate on that one. I am already struggling in the class and if I don't graduate because I waited until the last minute to slop something together then I will never forgive myself. I have worked so hard in college all these years, and dammit! I plan on graduating this winter! So I only have a handful of assignments left and 3 weeks! Then I will be done with CSM (I better be!) and will be graduating in January.
Next on my list of things to do.......sign up for 5 or 6 classes at UMUC for the Spring! It never ends! :)
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
My Everything
This is the reason I get up every morning, even on days when I just want to hide under the covers. No matter who is or isn't in our life, no matter where we are living, and no matter if we are rich or poor, she will always be there reason that I am still breathing.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Week 2!
Well week two of school had a crazy twist to it. The weekend before, we were hit with Hurricane Irene and St. Mary's county had A LOT of damage. There were homes lost, and people without power for days. We were part of the lucky ones. We lost trees and limbs, but nothing serious. We were out of power for most of the Saturday and until 1pm Sunday afternoon, which again compared to most, we were very lucky. Needless to say schools were closed Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday resumed school on a normal schedule.
This was the first time Hailey went to school without me being there. I was extremely nervous and kept an eye on the clock the whole morning. I kept wondering if she was doing okay and I was looking forward to seeing here and hearing all about it when I picked her up. I have learned that getting information out of Hailey is like pulling teeth. She does not like talking about her day and of course I want to know every detail!
She did tell me that she had brought home a book order so we could order books (I placed my order Friday morning!). She told me about a little things here and there, but she never really gave me to any details. All I know is that she had a good day. Again, she told me that she did not talk to any of the other kids or play on the playground. She said that an older girl tried to talk to her on the bus, but she didn't say anything. She was proud about something and could not wait to show me...... she had her first ART PROJECT at school. This project included using scissors for the first time and a glue stick! She made the raccoon from the story The Kissing Hand. His name is Chester and not only did she color him, cut him out, glue him together, but she wrote her name on the back of it. I am completly in love with this thing! Not only do I think she did a great job, but there is just something about it that makes it so perfect in every way! I have taken it and shown people and it is proudly hanging up on my refridgerator. It will be something I hope I can save and show her when she gets older.
Friday did not go as smoothly for her. Kenny had a really hard time getting her on the bus. She said that she missed spending time with him and didn't want to go to school. So he had to do a tough thing that breaks parents hearts..... he had to put her on the bus crying. She told me that she had a hard day that day. She told me about crying on the bus on the way to school. She said that she had cried in the line walking into school and then another time when someone accidently steped on the back of her shoe. The teacher helped her put it back on, and we all explained to her that it was an accident. Since it was Friday she got to take something for Show and Tell. She took a sparkly horse in since we are still working with the first letter of her name. She said she showed the horse, but did not talk about it. She did tell me about a couple things some of the other kids brought in. I think she enjoys show and tell and seeing new things.
So this week was a short week, but it did not seem to go as smoothly as her first. Hopefully she will adjust soon and start to enjoy school! There is so much to learn and so many people to meet!
And you know I could not leave the picture of Chester out!
This was the first time Hailey went to school without me being there. I was extremely nervous and kept an eye on the clock the whole morning. I kept wondering if she was doing okay and I was looking forward to seeing here and hearing all about it when I picked her up. I have learned that getting information out of Hailey is like pulling teeth. She does not like talking about her day and of course I want to know every detail!
She did tell me that she had brought home a book order so we could order books (I placed my order Friday morning!). She told me about a little things here and there, but she never really gave me to any details. All I know is that she had a good day. Again, she told me that she did not talk to any of the other kids or play on the playground. She said that an older girl tried to talk to her on the bus, but she didn't say anything. She was proud about something and could not wait to show me...... she had her first ART PROJECT at school. This project included using scissors for the first time and a glue stick! She made the raccoon from the story The Kissing Hand. His name is Chester and not only did she color him, cut him out, glue him together, but she wrote her name on the back of it. I am completly in love with this thing! Not only do I think she did a great job, but there is just something about it that makes it so perfect in every way! I have taken it and shown people and it is proudly hanging up on my refridgerator. It will be something I hope I can save and show her when she gets older.
Friday did not go as smoothly for her. Kenny had a really hard time getting her on the bus. She said that she missed spending time with him and didn't want to go to school. So he had to do a tough thing that breaks parents hearts..... he had to put her on the bus crying. She told me that she had a hard day that day. She told me about crying on the bus on the way to school. She said that she had cried in the line walking into school and then another time when someone accidently steped on the back of her shoe. The teacher helped her put it back on, and we all explained to her that it was an accident. Since it was Friday she got to take something for Show and Tell. She took a sparkly horse in since we are still working with the first letter of her name. She said she showed the horse, but did not talk about it. She did tell me about a couple things some of the other kids brought in. I think she enjoys show and tell and seeing new things.
So this week was a short week, but it did not seem to go as smoothly as her first. Hopefully she will adjust soon and start to enjoy school! There is so much to learn and so many people to meet!
And you know I could not leave the picture of Chester out!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)