Welcome 2014!

So it's the first day of the new year, and I have sat here for the past probably hour and a half thinking about 2013, people who are in my life now, people who were in my life before, and just everything from, myself, my house, my job, my marriage, my friends, my daughter, and this new baby we have on the way. It's always hard for me to come up with resolutions. I usually put to much weight into them and because of that they become overwhelming and usually don't happen. Last years resolution was to just be the best person I could be in all aspects of my life, you know, just better myself for the good. Though I can tell you many ways that this happened, I can also think of ways that still need to be worked on. So for this year I will continue working on that! When I lay down to go to sleep every night, I reflect on my day. I think about conversations I have had, things I have done, and everything I did throughout the day. Sometimes I find myself wondering if I could have done more or if I should have done something differently. In 2014 I want to make sure that when I go to sleep at night I can honestly say I have done my best for that day. I have come to learn that some things are out of my control and that is okay, but I still want to make sure that I feel like I have handled the situation the best of my ability.

It's easy to get caught up on the negatives in life, whether it is the negatives in a person or in a particular situation. Often times I find myself getting so overwhelmed by such a small piece of something that I forget the bigger picture of the puzzle. It's easy for me to say how much I hate my job and how much I hate my commute, but when I stop and think about it, I would be way worse off if I didn't have my job. Though my job isn't what I want to do with my life, and it puts me way to far away from Hailey, it is still part of the path. It provides the income my family needs. It provides the experience that I need to move on to bigger and better things. So though it's not perfect, it's still a huge part in my life that I need at this very moment. Money is always an issue, but if I look at where I am now compared to where Kenny and I were 6 years ago, there's a huge differences! I may not have everything I could ever dream of, but you know what, that's okay! Because money doesn't buy happiness and all those things that I may want are exactly what I just said, they are just things. It makes you truly appreciate what you do have! I may want a lot more, but I have so much and often times I forget that.

I often find myself questioning if I am a good mother or not. I provide everything my daughter needs and for the most part wants, but am I everything I could be to her? I tend to lose my patience and yell from time to time and I know that's part of being human, but maybe I should find better ways to deal with my anger instead of fussing at a 6 year old little girl. I am strict and that's what works for me. I don't give in very easily and what I say goes. Maybe I need to be a little more nurturing and laid back at times. I can't express how much I love that little girl and how much she has changed my life for the better. Maybe I should find more ways of showing her that. I wish more than anything that I could help her get ready in the morning for school, watch her get on and off the bus, attend class functions, and volunteer in her class. I wish that when she came home from school the house was clean and dinner was waiting so we could eat at a decent time. Unfortunately this just isn't in my cards right now so I need to embrace what I do have and the time I have with her every evening. Take extra time to lay with her at night and talk about things. Every night at dinner we talk about everything in her day, but I know she has so much more to share with me! I need to be a better listener and make sure I am using my time with her as wisely as I can.

I need to work on being a better friend. I really do try hard, but there are still some aspects that I know I am lacking. I would like to think that I am a good listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Though I may not always agree with things that are said, I do try to understand where everyone comes from. Though something may not have bothered me in the same way, I still try to see where others could be upset. I choose my battles wisely and I try to just shrug off things that bother me, because in the long run the friendship is so much more then the petty thing that may have bugged me at the moment. I try to be honest and tell people exactly what I think, but I also try to choose my words wisely. But the aspect that I feel that I lack the most when it comes to friendship is making extra time for people. All those times that we have said we should do dinner or a girls night, it's a great idea and I would love nothing more, but sometimes I get caught up in the craziness in life and those things don't happen. Those are missed out memories and laughs. Those are times that we all could have needed to just catch a break and to catch up. As we get older and take on new tasks, our schedule gets crazier, but it is important to make time for those dinner dates or times to spend with one another. I need to really get the calender out and say "we have talked about this too long, how does your week look!" I know I am not the only one who tries to balance work, children, husbands, family and just life in general, but maybe if I make the extra effort then things will work out better in the long run. There are many people that I miss in my life and really need to make time to catch up!

I need to remember that there are so many positives in life and it's really how you look at it that makes the biggest difference. I can count everything that I want to change, but if I stopped counting the things that aren't there and really look at everything that is there I would realize that there is so much more to be happy about then not. I try to go into every situation fully believing that even though things make look rocky, that everything will work out for the better and it always does in one way or another.

So here is to 2014 and continuing to work to be the best person I can be! Here's to focusing on the positives and less on the negatives. Here's to letting the little things go and looking at the big picture!

I will miss you 2013, but I can't wait to see what 2014 has in store for me!