Tuesday, April 5, 2011

So it's been awhile since I last posted! Not sure what happened, I guess I have just been busy with everything and forgot about hopefully I can start back up since I have unforgotten about it now. hehe

Soooooo let's see what has been going on since I last posted......hmmmmm.........

I guess you can say that February and March flew by for me. My days are pretty repetitive. Get up, leave for work by 5:15, get to work by 7, leave her at 4, and go pick Hailey up at 6, get home by 7 (unless we stop), and then spend the evening getting ready to do it all again the following day! I also am holding a full time school schedule this time with 4 classes. I currently have A's in every class, which is something I struggle with normally. I have always done good in school, but these past few semesters have screwed me up with Economics and Math classes. YUCK! So it's nice to feel confident. Also I haven't been as stressed with the whole school thing. Believe me, I still put in alot of time and effort, but it's just going so much easier this time around. I have 4 more weeks left of this semester and one more semester left after that! This Fall I am going to have to take 4 more classes, and then should graduate with my Associates in Social Sciences in December. This is something I have worked really hard for. I have played with different majors, but always seemed to get discouraged or off track with them. I don't like business, so I made the choice for myself to change that. Before I had Hailey I was studying to be a dietitian in Baltimore. Few people, and I mean very few, know my past and what pushed me to want to do that major, but unfortunately after having Hailey that fell out of the picture. I still have a strong interest in nutrition (ask me anything, I am sure I can answer pretty much most of your questions and give an accurate round about answer to the nutrients in any food, obsessive you ask? Absolutely :)! ). With Social Sciences under my belt, I will move to UMUC and go for my degree in Psychology. I hopefully will make it up to get my Masters degree, but let me just focus on grabbing my associates as of now. My end point of where I want to be is working with eating disorders and being a specialist in that field. I told Kenny one night that deep down in my heart I know I was put here to help people through their struggles. I am going to saves lives one day. My life has a purpose, just getting to that goal is the only thing holding me back, but I know I can do anything I put my mind too.

In January I started weight watchers program again. This is something I have done on and off for years, but this time I made the determination and am sticking to it! I have lost 17.4 pounds so far, and am trying my hardest to push forward. This is week 13 and I have had no slip ups, no falling off track, and I have held myself accountable for everything I have placed in my mouth, which is something I have failed with in the past. I track and write down EVERYTHING I eat! I make sure that I have 2-3 servings of dairy, 3-5 or more servings of fruits and veggies, lean protein, a multivitamin, healthy oils, and I drink on average 8-10 8oz glasses of water. I am kicking major butt at this! I have been frustrated the past three weeks because I have gained here, lost very little there, and gained more. That's frustrating when you are working so hard, but I continue to move forward and carry on. My goal is to get to -25lbs by my Birthday which is 5 weeks away. I am hoping with all my heart I will get there! I am definitely working towards it!

Another thing I have added in that journey is a gym membership. I have had gym memberships in the past and have not always stuck to going, that's why I was hesitant about getting into another contract, but this is different this time also. I have been pushing myself to go 3-5 times a week. The past 12 weeks I have been doing videos at home and using the wii as my source of activity, so being able to do classes and interact with people is nice. I don't have any gym friends really, but maybe I will meet people along the way. Hailey enjoys going because she can play in the daycare center with other kids. I am glad she gets to meet people and unwind while I work off alot of stress. I feel great about myself when I come out of there. I have been working with a trainer who has been helping me work on routines. Believe me he is tough! And some of the classes I have been doing leave me sore for days. I have been working up a sweat and really busting my butt 1-2 hours a day lately. Today I decided I needed a day off. Yesterdays workout with the trainer was hard and my arms are super sore. To be honest though, I like when I am sore the next day because it reminds me what muscles I have worked and that I have worked hard. It gives me sense of accomplishment.

So I have been doing alot to change myself physically and make myself feel better. I still go to a therapy session every other week to work on my issues and talk out how I feel. I need to be working on making decisions of what I want and figuring out what is best for myself and Hailey. This is hard to decide when I am always asking "what if".  She said it's my biggest problem. The fear of change and the unknown are overwhelming. I have just been carrying on though, trying to block it out of my head, but my mind is a wreak as I bounce back and forth constantly. "If you don't like something change it, if you can't change it then change your attitude". This is something that I am left with thinking about all the time. There is so many things I would change in my life, but those things are more about changing people and that is one thing that I have learned you can't change. I wish I could change my feelings and emotions. Get rid of the constant anxiety, I didn't use to be like this. I have always over cared about people, but not to the extent that I do now. I have a hard time deciding who I want in my life and who I don't. But these questions I have are only something I can answer for myself, but it's hard to find answers when you pretend the questions don't exist. This whole topic still needs work, but hopefully by working on myself and finding out how to and what it means to love myself, the answers will become clearer to me.

I have one big accomplishment that I want to share though! This past Sunday I did my first 5K for the National Kidney Association. Yay me! It would of been 100% no problem, but it was all hills! Ahhhhh talk about a workout especially while pushing a stroller! I felt good about doing it and being able to be there for a friend who means so much to me. No one will ever know what she has gone through in her journey, but to be there and help support her when she needs it was all that mattered to me. What I was diagnosed with last year is a form of kidney disease since it effects the arteries in them, so I also did this to help fund research for people who are suffering because even though my form is nothing compared to what other people have suffered, it is something that will effect me for the rest of my life.

Also this weekend I went to the Cherry Blossom festival in DC, which is my first time ever going. It was a beautiful day and we enjoyed walking around looking at everything! I bought Hailey a plush beaver named Paddles (which she renamed Color because his fur changes color when you rub it different ways, she is so silly!) to remember her first time there! I am so glad we got to experience that together and enjoy it. I also loved the company that we went with! <3

So now I need to go back to work, lunch is over now. Might as well get things done while I have a job for sure. I hate this waiting game, especially when the news announced today was that we are one step closer to a government shut down. Like we have been all told "Hope for the best, but prepare for the worse." Ughhhh talk about stress!