Wednesday, September 26, 2012
- Kenny is hosting a cookout/bonfire for his
littlelarge truck group this weekend and I haven't cleaned
- ..... not to mention I haven't unpacked STILL
- The realtor sent me my contract to look over Saturday and I still haven't looked at it
- I spent all day Saturday cleaning in the old house and went to clean the carpets and I couldn't get the steamcleaner to work
- I went back Sunday night and tried again......still wouldn't pick the water back up. I left it sitting right there next to the wet floors. Maybe third times a charm!
- I am now driving Kenny's commuter car since the Jeep was costing me almost a grand in month going back to forth to work and neither Kenny or I have had the time to teach me to drive stick so I can drive mine
- All the vanpools in the area are full
- I have been sick for almost a week, in fact coughing as I speak
- I am overwelmed with school work with my two classes.....
- .....and a third one starts on Monday
- I cooked chicken for 30 minutes last night and then thought it tasted funny, and because I can't really taste anything while being sick, I decided to throw it out because I didn't know if it was me or if the chicken was bad, and I wasn't going to let Hailey eat it and find out.
- I want to buy everything, but I am broke to the point its not even funny, but whats new with that
- That I could go on and on and on forever with this :)
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Monday, September 17, 2012
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Taurus Sep 12 2012
If your life seems lackluster now, and you're feeling disillusioned, it isn't because there's anything wrong with you - it's probably because you have been neglecting the truest part of yourself. You have been so caught up in duties and promises and responsibilities that you have forgotten to devote some of your precious time to the pursuits that define who you are in your soul. This can easily happen if you don't directly address the matter. If you let yourself slip away by letting go of your talents and your dreams, then pretty soon you will lose sight of your purpose. Use this day and the week ahead to focus on what makes you special.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
This one is easy for me! I wish I was more organized! I am ALWAYS losing everything. I mean I always keep up and eventually find things, but I wish I just was more organized, especially when it comes to my house! I still have not unpacked hardly a thing, we are living out of boxes and the basement is full of them since Kenny decided to kick them out of his garage. I want more then anything to have a clean house! One that is put together, but honestly I don't know where to start! I have pinned all sorts of ideas from pinterest, but I just can't get myself around to doing anything when it comes to unpacking and putting things away!
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
This is a tough one, beacuse I never have felt like I accomplished anything. Like I can accomplish small tasks, but I have never really thought of my greatest accomplishments.....hmmmmm.....
1. I guess my first is my daughter. Though she isn't perfect, she is a good girl! She is polite and sweet for the most part and pretty well behaved. I accomplished teaching her all of that.
2. My schooling. I hit a whole bunch of bumps in the road when it comes to school and it hasn't been easy. I got my associates in January 2012 and I have worked my butt off and should graduate with my bachelors next spring!
3. I guess I could add that I graduated high school. Though I hung out with friends who barely passed, I graduated with high honors and with a medal from being in the scholars course of studies. I also graduated pretty high on the list of my classmates. Like in the 30's. With a class of a couple hundred kids, thats pretty good in my books!
4. My bestest friend is an accomplishment! We met in 8th grade and even though we are so much alike we are sooooo different, but somehow we have always managed to stay best friends. She had a completely different group of friends in school. She was in the band and played soccerr. And I hung out with a lot of guys and was into cars and trucks. I played field hockey which you know theres rivalarly with those two sports. Her friends didn't like me, and to be honest I wasn't that thrilled with them. She went away to college and we didn't talk for months. Then somehow I ended up deciding to move with her and we got an apartment. Then I got pregnant and moved back to southern Maryland. Then she stayed there. Then she moved to VA. And now I moved to VA. Haha we are a piece of work! We have had very few fights, but have never gone more then a day mad at each other. We have gotten jealous of each other, but not enough to not be happy for the other person. We have been through major life events for each other and no matter where we were, we always knew we were there for one another. The funny thing is that we don't talk that much. Once every few weeks, and we hardly ever text. And we would go months without seeing each other, but we just had that bond that no matter where we picked up, it was like we never left off before! She lives 20 minutes away now and we still don't talk or text every day, or even see each other every week. I guess that is what makes this friendship such an accomplishment!
5. I guess my 5th accomplishment is getting this job I am at now. It took ALOT of mental work to get this job. My old job was very close knit and it was soooooo hard even thinking of leaving them. I had been there for 5 years. I am not one for change, and this new job was a huge change. I went from a job 20 minutes down the road to one over an hour away in the city. I had to learn about commuting and believe me, my first weeks were hard and I wanted to quit and go back. But I have stuck through it and I continue to work at it. Its not always fair and you don't get the same kind caring feeling that you get from a small company. I went from being higher up in a company of 12 employees to being at the very bottom of a company of over 2000. So the fact that I stepped out of my box and have continued at it is an accomplishment.
Friday, September 7, 2012
It's kind of like I don't know where I stand anymore. I am kind of beside myself in all aspects of my life. Work hasn't had any major issues, but it's like there is something missing. Maybe I am not feeling appreciated, sometimes a simple thank you or recognition goes a long way. We normally get a tiny close out bonus for busting our butts so much at the end of the fiscal year, but the front office decided they didn't want to do it this year. I have done countless last minute projects for people and a lot of time now I don't even get a quick thank you email back. It's hard because I travel really far for work and I have been trying to leave anywhere between 4:15am and 5:30am. But I have been having a hard time getting up and going. I just have to be in by 7:00am because I won't be able to pick Hailey up from aftercare on time. My commute normally runs me 2 to 2 and a half hours on a normal day, but it took close to four hours a few Friday's ago. I think it all is just starting to wear on me big time, but it's a good job and I make decent money, so it's hard to find a job like it closer to where I live.
Money has been killing me. I have never felt so helpless. I am literally sitting in a ton of debt with school, and moving, gas, and Hailey's birthday and not to mention Hailey's school. I didn't have enough money to pay my car payment this paycheck like I should have, so I spent the last couple days trying to find everything I could to take back to the stores, and canceling things like Netflix. Yeah it's only $8 a month, but that $8 could go towards childcare. I finally got enough to make the payment on the day it was due. It screwed me up because switching utilies when we moved changed my billing dates. Comcast normally comes out the 30th of each month, but now it comes out the 6th. So I just paid it in August and got hit with it 2 weeks later. And then I had to pay for Hailey's aftercare up front in August when I signed her up, well it came out again today! After calling around and leaving voicemails and playing phone tag, I finally got the answer that it charges a month ahead of schedule. So I just paid Octobers. Kenny has no advice to offer when it comes to this stuff, his suggestion was to not take Hailey to dance, but that wasn't right. I feel bad enough I had to use her Birthday money for her dance shoes. She has had a ton of adjustment and even though its for the better, it's not easy on her. She liked dance, so I wanted her to be able to do something she likes. So my only solution is to apply for part time jobs. I can't work during the week since Kenny works nights, but I can work after work of Fridays, all day Saturdays, and an early shift Sunday before Kenny leaves for work. I applied at Ulta, Charming Charlies, and seasonal help at Target and Kohls. I still need to apply at foodlion. I figure every bit helps, especially with the holidays coming up! I know it will get better, and probably next month I will be able to get back on my feet some, but it's been stressful feeling this way and not knowing what to do!
My summer classes ended on the same day my fall classes started. I have been trying to keep up with them, but I am struggling with staying motivated. It just seems so much harder for some reason then normal. Luckily I have been getting the work done and keeping a float, the last thing I need is to fail a class. I am doing two right now, another one starts in two weeks and the day that the first two end I'll begin taking another two classes. At least my teachers seem decent this time!
And finally I have just been struggling with myself......BIG TIME! I am so unhappy with how I look and feel. I believed with all my heart that moving would allow me to get a brand new start, but the stress from the move didn't help the situation. Being between two houses in August didn't help, because I turned to fast food for most my dinners because I didn't want to keep food in either refridgerators when we kept swtiching back and forth. September 1st came and I decided that would be my big change, but I had an AWFUL weekend and it was extremely emotional, so that didn't work either! I am so uncomfortable in my own skin right now. I dyed my hair dark for a change. I normally do dark with highlights, when I do go dark, but this time since I didn't have the money to get my hair done, I just bought a dark dye and did it myself. It's not bad, but I don't like it. It washes me out. And now I haven't had the money to get it highlighted so atleast it would look a little better! I bought a box of bleach and a cap, so we shall see. Maybe I will do my own highlights this weekend.
I have just been struggling with a lot lately. Like I said, not big deals, just minor bumps in the road. I have been struggling with relationships with Kenny, my family, and my friends. I need to figure out how to get myself back on track. Maybe if I start feeling better about myself, everything will all begin to fall into place. Who knows! Maybe I just need a weekend to rest! This is the last weekend before the pool closes, so even though Kenny said we have to unpack, I told him that we will be going swimming in the afternoon after we spend time unpacking.
On the bright side...... I have been cooking dinner most nights, so that has been nice to play with recipes, even though I eat the same thing over and over!
Hope everyone has a good weekend! Next week I hope I will be back to myself and in better spirits!