It's FALL.....I should be happy right?

So Saturday began my most favorite season......

FALL

I absolutely love fall! I love the colors that the trees and leaves turn. I love the falling leaves. I love the chilly air and warmer days. I love the smells of fall and the pumpkins. The beautiful colors of the mums. I love decorating and all the festivities. I love haunted houses and the pumpkin patches. I serious just love everything about it!

So with that being said, then why do I feel so down in the dumps?

The house is slowly coming together and things are moving on selling the old house. Both these are good things considering how stressed I have been about both. But it's just like something is missing. Something is wrong. I have been busy with fun things and I have a lot of fun things to look forward to, but honestly I don't want to even leave my room, let alone my house. I haven't wanted to text anyone lately or answer the phone. I haven't been interested in Facebook or Instagram. It's like I am just not interested in seeing anyone or doing anything. I put up a couple things for Halloween, but compared to normal I am way behind in the game. I looked through some of my stuff the other night that I have collected over the years to decorate the house each fall, but I just put the lid back on the container and went back upstairs.

Maybe it's the long days and the busy weekends I have had the past month or two. Maybe it's the fact that I want to do so much, but have no time. I seriously hate working so far away. Maybe this bothers me more now that Hailey is in Kindergarten. I just wish I could do so much more for her, but I leave before the sun comes up and I don't get to her until 5:30 or 6:00. Then it's home for dinner, showers, and then it's her bed time. I had to instruct Kenny on how to do her hair today because it was school picture day. I always lay her clothes out for her the night before, but sometimes I pick her up and she is a hot mess. If they can't find the brush then she will go to school with messy hair. He refuses to do any type of pony tails or clips. And if for some reason I have forgotten to put something out, then he will just send her to school in anything. Ekkkk not always a pretty sight! Also the teacher sent home a volunteer form and I said once or twice a month. Well I guess I wasn't thinking clearly, because I freaked when I got a letter home saying every other Wednesday. Yup, that's twice a month, but my job won't let me take off like that. I am lucky they are as flexible as they are, but I don't want to push my luck. So now I am doing the first Wednesday of the month.

I just wish I could do so much more for her. She is a happy little girl and I know that, but I feel like I am missing out so much on her growing up. And what am I going to do when I have baby #2? I really need to start making some major decisions and putting a lot of thought in what I want. I had a melt down the other day driving home. I am always so exhausted and I don't mind the commute, but it seriously eats up so much of my day, you figure thats 4-5 hours just sitting in traffic of my day. I tried to get into a vanpool, like I was at the old house, but there seems to be no open seats in any of the ones they have. Then I started figuring out how much I was spending on commuting. My Jeep sucks down gas so that was costing me $70 ever other day in just gas. Plus $6.50 parking daily in the building. I seriously just felt like I was sinking further and further under. After a long hysterical phone call to Kenny, he finally offered me his Honda Fit to drive until I can learn to drive stick in my commuter car. That will seriously save like $500 in gas a month. So I finally will be able to stop adding to my growing credit card debt. But believe me, I still have heard a lot of complaining on his end about switching cars.

I know I have so much to be happy for and I know it will all work out. But I can't help but feel so bummed out right now. My mind is constantly turning, it would be so much easier if I could just turn it off. There is just so much on my mind and that needs to be done.

But on the bright side of all this...... at least it's fall!

So What! Wednesday

This week I am saying SO WHAT to.....

• Kenny is hosting a cookout/bonfire for his little large truck group this weekend and I haven't cleaned
• ..... not to mention I haven't unpacked STILL
• The realtor sent me my contract to look over Saturday and I still haven't looked at it
• I spent all day Saturday cleaning in the old house and went to clean the carpets and I couldn't get the steamcleaner to work
• I went back Sunday night and tried again......still wouldn't pick the water back up. I left it sitting right there next to the wet floors. Maybe third times a charm!
• I am now driving Kenny's commuter car since the Jeep was costing me almost a grand in month going back to forth to work and neither Kenny or I have had the time to teach me to drive stick so I can drive mine
• All the vanpools in the area are full
• I have been sick for almost a week, in fact coughing as I speak
• I am overwelmed with school work with my two classes.....
• .....and a third one starts on Monday
• I cooked chicken for 30 minutes last night and then thought it tasted funny, and because I can't really taste anything while being sick, I decided to throw it out because I didn't know if it was me or if the chicken was bad, and I wasn't going to let Hailey eat it and find out.
• I want to buy everything, but I am broke to the point its not even funny, but whats new with that
• That I could go on and on and on forever with this :)

Really, I think I could probably could come up with a ton more, but I will leave it at this. Today I am linking up with Shannon over at "Life After I Dew". So What! Wednesday is one of my favorite things to do! You should try it out!

 

Wordless Wednesday

Teamwork

This was a picture taken a couple weeks ago at an awesome 1st Birthday party! One of the things they had sitting out were little sticky mustaches! The kids loved them!

Fair Day!!!!

So not this past weekend, but the weekend before that, we traveled to Charles County for their county fair! It was a lot of fun and to make it even better, we went with my cousin, her husband, their little girl, and my Aunt. Since we moved we don't get to see them as often as we like, but it was just the kind of day we needed!

We started out by looking at some animals. Then the girls did a pony ride and a petting zoo! There was the cutest little pygmy goats that I really wanted, but I knew that would be an automatic no from Kenny. Then we played a "try til you win" game and Hailey fished out a shark for a prize. We had never played a fair game so that was exciting for both her and Jaime. Then they rode a couple rides and we looked at some demonstrations. Then to end our experience off right, we watched pig races! We waited 20 minutes to get a good spot to watch them at. It was really fun and was worth the wait! Then we ended our day going out to dinner and the girls got to spend some time and laugh!

So I won't keep you any longer, here are the pictures!

Wordless Wednesday!

 

 

Words can't even tell you how much I love these two silly little girls! Cousins and best friends!

30 Things (21)

21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?

I am caught between two superpowers I would love to have, one would be to have the ability to listen to someones thoughts and the other one would be to be able to see the future.

I guess I would have to go with the future one because I probably don't want to know what people are really thinking about me. I think I would definately end up with some hurt feelings! So I think it would be better to predict the future. I guess the first thing I would do is check out my own future. I am not sure what I believe about psychics, I mean I believe in them, but I don't think Ms. Cleo is going to be able to read my future over the phone if I "call her now". My fear has always been if I did go to one that they would tell me that they don't see a future for me. Again, after reading about my fears in the earlier part of this thing, you know I am scared of dieing. So I would want to check if I did have a future. I mean come on, if I see that something is going to happen to me in a couple months, then I am going to quit going to work, quit worrying about money, and EAT EVERYTHING I WANT! :) nom nom nom!

30 Things (20)

20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.

Hmmmmm so lets see......... three memories.....

1. When I fell and broke my arm for the first time (one of many) and it was in first grade and I walked around with it broken for a week, before clumsy me fell on it again and sealed the deal with a complete green stick break! My mom felt really bad because she kept telling me that it was probably just sprained and would get better. So every time after, when I would fall we would be immediately at Urgent Care getting it x-rayed.

2. I remember having my first Six Flags season pass and going there on Fridays with my parents. We never did vacations, so this was kind of like our mini vacation. When I got older, I used to go with my cousins. I used to love that place back in the day!

3. I guess another memory is playing in the woods. I used to play Indians in the woods by myself all the time. I used to love it. I didn't live in a neighborhood, nor was there any kids where I lived so I used to just play in the woods or ride bikes alone. You know, back in the good ol' days when kids actually played outside!

30 Things (19)

I wrote 18, but I am not sure if I want to share it just yet........ so it will stay as a draft right now :)

19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

I actually really like where I just moved! Spotsylvania is pretty nice! I am 15 minutes from Fredericksburg where there is all the big shopping and stores and I am also 15 minutes from Massaponex, where it is starting to build up and have nice stores. Where I live is out in country. It's backroads of pretty woods! I love feeling like I am in tunnel of trees! It's not built up and its just beautiful! There is a ton of history around there too. There is all the battlefields around that you can tour and read about. There is also downtown Fredericksburg where it's just little shops that you can walk around. Its part of the historic Fredericksburg. It's just really peaceful out that way.

I'll be honest though, traffic can kind of suck in the main areas, but it's not unbearable. And I wish I lived in a neighborhood with a paved street and lots of friends for Hailey to play with. I never lived in one growing up, and it sucked to be the only kid around. So those would be the two drawbacks of where I live.

I also liked Southern Maryland, like St. Mary's area. And I love Niceville, Destin, and Crestview areas in Florida. I would love to live somewhere by the beach. I think I would even be happy in Salisbury over by Ocean City, MD. I haven't gone very many places, but those are all ones that have stuck out to me! I like having a slower pace of life. I HATE the city or over crowded areas. I love being able to drive and looking at leaves on the trees, and creeks and just nature!

Today's Horoscope

Taurus Sep 12 2012

If your life seems lackluster now, and you're feeling disillusioned, it isn't because there's anything wrong with you - it's probably because you have been neglecting the truest part of yourself. You have been so caught up in duties and promises and responsibilities that you have forgotten to devote some of your precious time to the pursuits that define who you are in your soul. This can easily happen if you don't directly address the matter. If you let yourself slip away by letting go of your talents and your dreams, then pretty soon you will lose sight of your purpose. Use this day and the week ahead to focus on what makes you special.

30 Things (17)

17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

This one is easy for me! I wish I was more organized! I am ALWAYS losing everything. I mean I always keep up and eventually find things, but I wish I just was more organized, especially when it comes to my house! I still have not unpacked hardly a thing, we are living out of boxes and the basement is full of them since Kenny decided to kick them out of his garage. I want more then anything to have a clean house! One that is put together, but honestly I don't know where to start! I have pinned all sorts of ideas from pinterest, but I just can't get myself around to doing anything when it comes to unpacking and putting things away!

30 things (16)

16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

This is a tough one, beacuse I never have felt like I accomplished anything. Like I can accomplish small tasks, but I have never really thought of my greatest accomplishments.....hmmmmm.....

1. I guess my first is my daughter. Though she isn't perfect, she is a good girl! She is polite and sweet for the most part and pretty well behaved. I accomplished teaching her all of that.

2. My schooling. I hit a whole bunch of bumps in the road when it comes to school and it hasn't been easy. I got my associates in January 2012 and I have worked my butt off and should graduate with my bachelors next spring!

3. I guess I could add that I graduated high school. Though I hung out with friends who barely passed, I graduated with high honors and with a medal from being in the scholars course of studies. I also graduated pretty high on the list of my classmates. Like in the 30's. With a class of a couple hundred kids, thats pretty good in my books!

4. My bestest friend is an accomplishment! We met in 8th grade and even though we are so much alike we are sooooo different, but somehow we have always managed to stay best friends. She had a completely different group of friends in school. She was in the band and played soccerr. And I hung out with a lot of guys and was into cars and trucks. I played field hockey which you know theres rivalarly with those two sports. Her friends didn't like me, and to be honest I wasn't that thrilled with them. She went away to college and we didn't talk for months. Then somehow I ended up deciding to move with her and we got an apartment. Then I got pregnant and moved back to southern Maryland. Then she stayed there. Then she moved to VA. And now I moved to VA. Haha we are a piece of work! We have had very few fights, but have never gone more then a day mad at each other. We have gotten jealous of each other, but not enough to not be happy for the other person. We have been through major life events for each other and no matter where we were, we always knew we were there for one another. The funny thing is that we don't talk that much. Once every few weeks, and we hardly ever text. And we would go months without seeing each other, but we just had that bond that no matter where we picked up, it was like we never left off before! She lives 20 minutes away now and we still don't talk or text every day, or even see each other every week. I guess that is what makes this friendship such an accomplishment!

5. I guess my 5th accomplishment is getting this job I am at now. It took ALOT of mental work to get this job. My old job was very close knit and it was soooooo hard even thinking of leaving them. I had been there for 5 years. I am not one for change, and this new job was a huge change. I went from a job 20 minutes down the road to one over an hour away in the city. I had to learn about commuting and believe me, my first weeks were hard and I wanted to quit and go back. But I have stuck through it and I continue to work at it. Its not always fair and you don't get the same kind caring feeling that you get from a small company. I went from being higher up in a company of 12 employees to being at the very bottom of a company of over 2000. So the fact that I stepped out of my box and have continued at it is an accomplishment.

Atleast It's Friday......

I am not exactly sure whats been up the last week or two, but I have just been down in the dumps big time. I am anxious and sad and just exhausted. There's not one particular thing that has been bothering me, but a whole bunch of little things.........

It's kind of like I don't know where I stand anymore. I am kind of beside myself in all aspects of my life. Work hasn't had any major issues, but it's like there is something missing. Maybe I am not feeling appreciated, sometimes a simple thank you or recognition goes a long way. We normally get a tiny close out bonus for busting our butts so much at the end of the fiscal year, but the front office decided they didn't want to do it this year. I have done countless last minute projects for people and a lot of time now I don't even get a quick thank you email back. It's hard because I travel really far for work and I have been trying to leave anywhere between 4:15am and 5:30am. But I have been having a hard time getting up and going. I just have to be in by 7:00am because I won't be able to pick Hailey up from aftercare on time. My commute normally runs me 2 to 2 and a half hours on a normal day, but it took close to four hours a few Friday's ago. I think it all is just starting to wear on me big time, but it's a good job and I make decent money, so it's hard to find a job like it closer to where I live.

Money has been killing me. I have never felt so helpless. I am literally sitting in a ton of debt with school, and moving, gas, and Hailey's birthday and not to mention Hailey's school. I didn't have enough money to pay my car payment this paycheck like I should have, so I spent the last couple days trying to find everything I could to take back to the stores, and canceling things like Netflix. Yeah it's only $8 a month, but that $8 could go towards childcare. I finally got enough to make the payment on the day it was due. It screwed me up because switching utilies when we moved changed my billing dates. Comcast normally comes out the 30th of each month, but now it comes out the 6th. So I just paid it in August and got hit with it 2 weeks later. And then I had to pay for Hailey's aftercare up front in August when I signed her up, well it came out again today! After calling around and leaving voicemails and playing phone tag, I finally got the answer that it charges a month ahead of schedule. So I just paid Octobers. Kenny has no advice to offer when it comes to this stuff, his suggestion was to not take Hailey to dance, but that wasn't right. I feel bad enough I had to use her Birthday money for her dance shoes. She has had a ton of adjustment and even though its for the better, it's not easy on her. She liked dance, so I wanted her to be able to do something she likes. So my only solution is to apply for part time jobs. I can't work during the week since Kenny works nights, but I can work after work of Fridays, all day Saturdays, and an early shift Sunday before Kenny leaves for work. I applied at Ulta, Charming Charlies, and seasonal help at Target and Kohls. I still need to apply at foodlion. I figure every bit helps, especially with the holidays coming up! I know it will get better, and probably next month I will be able to get back on my feet some, but it's been stressful feeling this way and not knowing what to do!

My summer classes ended on the same day my fall classes started. I have been trying to keep up with them, but I am struggling with staying motivated. It just seems so much harder for some reason then normal. Luckily I have been getting the work done and keeping a float, the last thing I need is to fail a class. I am doing two right now, another one starts in two weeks and the day that the first two end I'll begin taking another two classes. At least my teachers seem decent this time!

And finally I have just been struggling with myself......BIG TIME! I am so unhappy with how I look and feel. I believed with all my heart that moving would allow me to get a brand new start, but the stress from the move didn't help the situation. Being between two houses in August didn't help, because I turned to fast food for most my dinners because I didn't want to keep food in either refridgerators when we kept swtiching back and forth. September 1st came and I decided that would be my big change, but I had an AWFUL weekend and it was extremely emotional, so that didn't work either! I am so uncomfortable in my own skin right now. I dyed my hair dark for a change. I normally do dark with highlights, when I do go dark, but this time since I didn't have the money to get my hair done, I just bought a dark dye and did it myself. It's not bad, but I don't like it. It washes me out. And now I haven't had the money to get it highlighted so atleast it would look a little better! I bought a box of bleach and a cap, so we shall see. Maybe I will do my own highlights this weekend.

I have just been struggling with a lot lately. Like I said, not big deals, just minor bumps in the road. I have been struggling with relationships with Kenny, my family, and my friends. I need to figure out how to get myself back on track. Maybe if I start feeling better about myself, everything will all begin to fall into place. Who knows! Maybe I just need a weekend to rest! This is the last weekend before the pool closes, so even though Kenny said we have to unpack, I told him that we will be going swimming in the afternoon after we spend time unpacking.

On the bright side...... I have been cooking dinner most nights, so that has been nice to play with recipes, even though I eat the same thing over and over!

Hope everyone has a good weekend! Next week I hope I will be back to myself and in better spirits!