Tuesday, July 31, 2012

30 Things (6)

Best of Both Worlds

6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

The hardest thing I have ever experienced was losing a loved one. Unfortunately, I have lost two that I was really closed to and love very much.

Kevin was like a brother to me. He used to work with me and we were really close. He even told me that he adopted me as a little sister. Kenny and I would have date night with him and his wife. He was one of the most amazing people I have ever met. He used to race motocross professionally and he knew all the riders that I had googly eyes for. I used to think that was so neat. He traveled all around racing. He retired when his son was born. He had this funny sarcastic humor and you never knew what would come out of his mouth. I remember always being afraid of disappointing him when I made any decision. He had a disapproving look that would make me cringe when I would mess up what I was doing. I never wanted to make him upset or disappointed with me. I just had that much respect for him. He was married to an amazing woman named Stacy! They were the perfect couple and their personalities worked so well with one another. They were truly in love and more then anything Kevin loved his little boy!

Unfortunately on the morning of February 8, 2006 he was killed in a car accident on his way to work. After dropping his son off at the baby sitters, for some unknown reason he crossed the center line and was hit head on by a tractor trailer truck. He was killed instantly.

I had just gotten to work when we got a phone call on our work line. Kevin had been driving a Scion xB that was owned by the company and had their lettering on it. The person told the girl who answered the phone that one of our vehicles had been in an accident and that the he thinks the guy is dead or badly hurt and that he could see a car seat in the back and he wasn't sure if he had a baby with him too. He was really short and pretty nasty. The girl was speechless and handed the phone over to someone else. The other guy was only able to get the location out from him and then the caller hung up. The bosses weren't there so it was just the three of us employees standing there in disbelief. Immediately I went into panic mode especially thinking that Brett could be hurt too. I immediately took out my phone and called Stacy and told her to call the sitters and see if Brett was there. She questioned me and I said I would have to explain after she called. She called me right back and said that Kevin had dropped him off. Then I lost it and started crying and someone took my phone and told her that there had been an accident and we didn't know any details. While I was on the phone with her, someone else began calling fire departments to find what hospital he would be taken too. We called our bosses who were going to be in late that morning what had happened and what we knew. Me and another co-worker went running to her vehicle to go to the scene of the accident. Stacy left work and agreed to pull over so that we could pick her up. We didn't want her driving herself, not knowing if he was okay or where we were going. So we picked her up and headed to the scene. They had the road blocked off way before the accident to keep cars coming that way and we immediately jumped out and took off running. The police grabbed us and Stacy freaked out and said she needed to know if it was her husband in the accident and if he was okay. The office kept trying to calm us down, but knowing it wasn't working and we weren't going to back off, he told us that the only thing he could say was that the person who had been in that car wasn't alive. Stacy fell to the ground and lost it. Her parents pulled up about that time and came running over. I couldn't breath. I was in shock and in disbelief. I went and sat in the grass and just cried hysterically, like I had never cried before. I couldn't believe that someone I loved so much was gone. Someone who loved his life, his wife, his son, his family, and friends more than anything was gone. My heart hurt like I had never felt ever in my life. I refused to leave until the end, which due to the accident investigation and waiting to for the cornier to arrive from Baltimore wasn't until an hour or more later. Stacy wasn't budging and I wasn't leaving her side.

The days after, I didn't eat or sleep. I hardly talked to anyone. I was just in a daze. I had never lost anyone who I was this close to in my life. Plus it broke my heart thinking about Stacy and their son. Another thing I found out was that he had a card with him in his car that he was bringing me. I had been out for a while with a shoulder injury so it was a cheer up card from Kevin and Stacy. When my boss went to go get things out of the car, I begged him to find it for me. They were able to find it under the rubble. It was crushed and covered in oil and fluids from the engine. I didn't care because I wanted it still. Our job stayed closed while people sent flowers and gift. Because he was a big name motocross rider and local hero, news spread fast. It was all over the internet and it was all in the papers. Pictures of the accident scene was front page and a picture of Kevin holding his son were all over the place. My bosses knew how hard we were all taking it (we worked in a close knit family owned sign shop) so they even had a grief counselor come talk with us. I spent most my time at Stacy's with her and Brett while details started coming together about the arrangements. The day of the viewing it ended up snowing. I couldn't get my car out so I had to walk down the road and wait for Kenny to pick me up since the roads weren't clear either. I was allowed to go to the early viewing since I was considered family. I wrote a letter to Kevin that Stacy put in his coffin with him. The viewing was extremely hard and the funeral was postponed due to the snow.

I was only 18 and it was the first person that close to me that I had ever lost.
They say that time heals wounds, but it left a huge hole in my heart. I still think about Kevin all the time. I have a picture of him in my room and the card that was with him is still in it. The tattoo on my right sholder was done for him by one of our mutal friends. It is an Amy Brown fairy called "Forget-Me-Not". It has her sitting on ivy and has Forget Me Not flowers in the background. In her wings I have his retired motocross numbers 574. I still talk to Stacy now and then, but not as much as I would like. I have so many funny memories with him in it that I hold onto.

The second loss was two years ago, but it wasn't sudden like losing Kevin. It was very long and drawn out. To watch someone wither in front of your eyes is something I never wish on anyone. I have always been close to my Aunt and Uncle. In November 2007, my uncle was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. He immediately began chemo and radiation. In the beginning there wasn't much difference. He was just tired and got sick alot. Right before he was diagnosed, Hailey began going to their house daily while I was at work. My aunt had called dibs on watching her while I was still pregnant. She had watched my brother and I when we were little, so she was ready to start on the next generation of our family. It ended up working out as a blessing in disguise. My uncle referred to her as his "little sunshine". He loved her and loved playing with her. When she got a little older, he would disappear for a while and come back with new toys he thought that she needed. He loved playing tea party with her and bought her one for their house so she could play.  His battle was long and hard. He was in and out of the hospital a lot. He fought for over two years and finally could no longer fight anymore. He was put in Hospice care. He lost the battle on February 19th, 2010 at home. I was crushed. I knew how bad he was suffering and he had gone down hill quick. He was in constant pain that was unbareable and could not be controlled. By the end he was bed ridden and only slept. It was too exhausting to talk or even keep his eye open. Even though I saw all this, I refused to ever lose hope that he would recover and pull through. I didn't want to let go and I was scared for Hailey since she loved him so much. Every night I sat with my Aunt while she vented or cried through the whole battle. She didn't want to stop watching Hailey because I think it kept her mind off of things. We all miss and love Dave very much. I know it is selfish of me to hurt the way that I did and still do because he was finally free of all the pain. But I was so sad losing him and again it was another life that was ended way to soon.

When I talked about my fears, I named death as my number one fear. I am so afraid to die myself and to leave people behind and I am so afraid of losing more loved ones. Maybe it is because I don't understand it. I don't know why things like this happen to good people. I know that death is inevitable, but losing someone that you love is still one of the hardest things I have ever experienced.

30 Things (5)

Best of Both Worlds

5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

1. My beautiful daughter makes me happy. She is sassy and is really starting to push her luck, but I would be lost with out her! She says funny things and really knows how to cheer me up! I am so excited about her starting her new school and making new friends!

2. My best friends!

3. Being excited about our new kitty! Hailey is super excited too! We can't wait to bring her home!

4. That pay week is this week! I have $30 in my bank account so needless to say, I am broke. Let's just hope nothing unexpected comes out.

5. Blogging makes me happy right now! I am really starting to get into it. I like reading about other peoples lives, making new friends, the fact that I have 5 followers now (Yay!!!), and just getting to think about stuff.

30 Things (4)

Best of Both Worlds

4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
1. I think the most important thing I would tell myself is to love myself. I have always had a tough time accepting myself and I think if I would have realized this sooner, then I wouldn't have such a hard time now.

2. Friends come and go. You will work way to hard to have a friendship that won't last.

3. Put yourself out there more. You will find that you missed out on a lot of opportunities because you were to afraid of being rejected.

4. Don't drink so much! You will realize that you would have had a better time if you were drunk. Plus you wouldn't feel so bad the next day!

5. Don't worry about so much! When you get older, then you will have lots to worry about! So just RELAX!

6. You can do whatever you want, and don't let ANYONE tell you that you can't. You will find that people won't like your hopes and dreams, only because they are jealous or they don't understand them.

7. Work hard and save your money! Be cautious about being too nice and loaning it out. There is a good chance that if you aren't cautious that you will never see it again. And it's expensive being an adult!

8. Stay in shape and eat healthy! It is way easier preventing weight gain then actually losing the weight! You will be VERY UNHAPPY when you get older if you don't!

9. Don't waste tears on stupid people. You will never be able to change the person they are. Know that you deserve better then to be treated that way.

10. You won't believe what your life has in store for you. Make smart decisions. Follow your heart! Take chances! Sometimes taking the easiest way isn't always the best. Life is a struggle. You will have heart break and you will know love. Don't rush things! And no matter what, always remember that things will work out in the end.

Monday, July 30, 2012

30 Things! (3)

Best of Both Worlds

3. Describe your relationship with your parents.

I have really put a lot of thought into what I was going to say about this question. Don't get me wrong, I have parents that have always provided everything I needed and I know they love me, but I don't know how I would describe our relationship. Let me tell you a little bit about them......

It's just my older brother and I. My Mom decided to become a SAHM when I went into Pre K because she was scared that my Dad would send me to school with messy hair and mix matched. My Dad has always worked nights and wasn't around much. We were not a very affectionate family. We didn't say "I love you" or hugged or kissed. I always knew I was loved though. My parents were really strict. My Dad pretty much ran the house since he was the one that worked. We never got to do much. I remember in elementary school our summer vacation was a day trip to Kings Dominion. It was a huge deal and was super exciting. We never had a lot of money to spend, so that probably limited what we did. I never did any activities after school or had parties. We never went out to dinner and McDonald's was a special outing. Even though I missed out on a lot, I still had a good childhood and had nice stuff and I can say I was happy.

I think the issues started when I got older and could make my own decisions. I think it was hard for them to not control me so much. In the end, they were always by my side, but in the beginning of whatever it might be, they never were. When I started dating they were not happy. In fact I was forbidden to date Kenny when I was 17, it took weeks of talks, arguments and tears to finally allow me to be able to date him. They weren't really supportive when I moved away to Baltimore for school. They were NOT supportive when I was pregnant with Hailey in the beginning. It was actually an awful first few months while my Mom convinced me how disappointed everyone would be, how big of mistake I was making, and everything under the sun that she should come up with. And they were against me marrying Kenny. And they were very against me moving. In fact I have been made to feel like I won't have a family now that I live a little over an hour away and not just 20 minutes down the road. I think all of this has made everything so much harder. My brother is another big problem and is something that my Mom and I had a huge falling out over recently. I feel pushed aside. Nothing I do is as good as he is. He has had struggles in his life, so my Mom tends to always be on the defense for him. It has actually really pushed me away from my family a lot in the past few years.

I have ALOT of anxiety when it comes to my family. I know they worry because they care, but mentally I can not deal with the negativity I get when I make a decision. Here the recent move was suppose to be such a good thing for my family, but I spent the whole first night crying because of a phone call and texts with my Mom. She told me they were hurt that I hadn't invited them over to see the house, but they have always acted like I was moving to Egypt so I was worried about asking them. Not to mention, we JUST moved most the stuff Saturday and it's nothing but bags and boxes right now. Also she said my Dad was disappointed that I didn't say good bye. Little digs like that hurt me and make me feel bad. I didn't say good bye because I didn't feel I went anywhere. My Mom also made mention that she felt I chose a friend over her since I moved where one of my best friends live and didn't stay in the area around her. It had nothing to do with Meagan living there, it was the area we liked. We liked going and seeing Meagan. The cost of living was cheaper and we had so many more options then where we lived in Maryland. It was NEVER ever about choosing someone over her. It still really hurt my heart. So my first night in my new house I cried myself to sleep because I was just sad and worried about upsetting my family.

Also we won't even get on the topic of having any more children. I really want another baby soon. I want Hailey to be a big sister. I want to grow my family. It is something that we have put a lot of thought and consideration into with money and day care. That is one of the reasons why we have waited. My Mom has flat out told me that she didn't want me to have anymore children. She has also told Hailey that she only wanted her and to spoil her. This is something that really upsets me. It makes me sad to know that the one person I should be so excited to tell, will be the one who won't be happy for me.

So this is where I am. I can't tell you what my relationship is with my parents, BUT I can tell you that they are good parents, they will always be there when I need them the most, and they have always provided everything I have needed, just not mentally.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

30 Things (2)

Best of Both Worlds

2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

1. DEATH- I fear dieing or losing someone close. I have lost a few people in my life and it is the worst feeling ever! Maybe I fear this because I don't understand it. When I was little I thought we were supposed to get old and die in our sleep, like when we were over 100, but that's not life at all. I don't understand why the young die. I don't understand why people get sick and die. I know it's all part of our "plan", but I just don't understand it. I don't ever want to die and I surely don't want anyone of my loved ones to die.

2. DROWNING- I know this comes along with death, but I am so scared to drown. I have gotten caught in the water where I've gotten turned around and didn't know which way is up. It is soooooo scary. I am fine with swimming, but when we go into the ocean, in the back of my mind I am always scared of being sucked away and drowning.

3. BEING IN A CAR ACCIDENT- This is one of my biggest fears is being in a car accident. I rear ended someone before, totaled my car but just scraped his bumper. I wreaked my xB while I was 7 months pregnant. It was a pretty bad accident, I got hit going about 60 in a T bone style crash on my passenger side. It then pun me out into the median where I took out a stop sign. Luckily the baby was okay and I only broke my wrist, ribs, and toe. The rest was all just bruising and cuts. It was the worse feeling ever. I just remember being in a daze and I couldn't remember Kenny's phone number. And I was living 2 hours away from my family and Kenny at the time. I was worried that the other person was hurt. The last thing I EVER want to do is hurt (or worse) anyone while driving even if it isn't my fault. I get caught up on the "what ifs" and I don't know if I would be able to live with myself.

So What! Wednesday

This week I am saying so what to......

My house is a disaster! We are moving so I finally have an excuse!

I am not all packed up, I will get it done just in time like I always do!

I HATE my online study group for my class, atleast I don't have to do the work alone!

I was late to EVERYTHING yesterday, I still got to each place safely!

I don't want to move anymore, it's just a change in scenery which may be just the thing I need!

I gained all  my weight back, I like to eat when I am stressed and boy am I stressed, I'll get back to dieting once we move, in the mean time yummy sweets will comfort me.

My walking cast sounds like a sqeaker toy when I walk, atleast it protects my foot that I shouldn't have been walking on since May, but atleast we have an answer now to my pain!

I am supposed to be working at the moment, I don't smoke so I am taking my blog break!

Much better! :) Linking up with

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

30 Things (1)

Best of Both Worlds

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.

Hmmmm where to start....

1. My name is Nicole, but I go by Nikki
2. I turned 25 on May 8th.
3. My family consists of my husband Kenny, my four year old Hailey, our dog Pixie and our soon to be kitty Rosie!
4. My favorite color is pink, hot pink preferably and lime green.
5. I love, love, love stars!
6. I love trucks and cars, and especially going to shows. I know decent amount about them too!
7. I have a black Jeep Wrangler Rubicon that I LOVE! I don't think I ever will want to get rid of it.
8. I played field hockey through high school, and now play for adult teams. This time I am a goalie!
9. I have my associates in Social Science and I will graduate next year with my BS in Psychology. I am hoping to find a decent Master's program that I can afford. That's one of my goals!
10. I currently work for the federal government, but I think I was meant to do so much more. I want to be a psychologist with a strong focus in eating disorder recovery.
11. I played dumb in highschool to fit in with my friends, but I really was always on the honor roll!
12. I am a shoeaholic! I have sooooo many shoes, and most are from 9th grade and up. I just have ALWAYS taken care of my shoes. I can't tell you how many different pairs of etnies and DC's I have.
13. I worked in graphic designs and at a sign shop for 5 years. I can create, cut, and install lettering. I now do work on the side using my silhouette cameo.
14. I don't have a lot of friends, but the ones I have are the bestest.
15. I can own and can play guitar. I have an electric guitar, amps, and pedals from when I went through a rock band stage.
16. I love music! I mostly listen to rock, emo, and country, but every now and then I do a car ride catching up on some Pop music!
17. I am confident in myself, but I have ZERO self esteem. It's something I have struggled with forever and is at it's worse right now. Ask me what I like about myself, I bet I can't come up with an answer. Learning to love myself is on my things to work on list.
18. I am in love with makeup! I have a lot of it too. I love doing smokey eyes and multi color eye shadows. I like things that are bright and pop!
19. I like piercings and tattoos. I currently have 13 piercings and 6 tattoos!
20. I am easy to read like a book, my facial expressions tell it all sometimes!

So what are 20 random things about you?!? Now head over to Best of Both Worlds and check out other peoples random facts!

30 Things in 30 days about me!

So since I am still pretty new to the blog world, I am trying a new thing out and lucky for me, one of my best friends Heather at Best of Both Worlds is hosting her first linky (I am still learning about all this stuff :) ). I have always been really bad about keeping up with these things, so hopefully I will be able to do this one! It's basically so that we can meet new people and learn about one another! So happy blogging!

Best of Both Worlds

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for

Friday, July 20, 2012

Today's Horoscope

Taurus Jul 20 2012
The end of an era is here, Taurus. Some aspect of your life is changing. For a long time now, it has been a comfort to you. You have gotten used to things being a certain way. But don't be alarmed by the change. Welcome it instead. Even though you may feel you are treading on unfamiliar territory, and even though that may make you feel somewhat insecure, you are headed to a place where you will have more power, more confidence, and more opportunities. A big, new world is opening up to you, so celebrate.
As crazy as I feel right now, this was really comforting!

Friday, July 13, 2012

Almost here!!!!!

It's getting closer.......

So I remember thinking, wow I have twenty something more days before we get this house, that's forever away! Well now guess what........THREE DAYS!

Everything seems to be set up and ready to go for Monday. We were able to get all our paperwork in line and sent to the banks. Everything that was asked from us, we were able to get together pretty fast and without error. Somethings were a little more complicated then others and some minor bumps in the road, BUT it all worked out in the end! I think this is definitely meant to be for us! So Monday at 2pm we will be in Fredericksburg signing our lives away! Then after that is when all the fun begins!

I need to get Hailey registered for Kindergarten. In order to do that, I have to have proof of residency and a valid VA drivers license. She also has to have all her physical forms filled out. I called the other day and she is all up to date on her shots, and is not ready for her five year old appointment (maybe because shes not 5 yet, duh Nikki!) and her physical is still good! So I need to drop the forms off to be filled out by the doctor. My plan is to do that bright and early Monday morning.

Also Monday morning, I am making a trip to social security. I guess it is time to officially change my name. I think it's weird when I have to call places or fill out Hailey's forms for schools and our last names don't match. I have been married for almost 5 years, so I guess it's time. Plus I have to get ideas and everything, so what better time then now!

Also on Monday, I need to get our EZ Pass! Especially with the whole moving process! That will make our going across the bridge just $1 verses $4!

So that leads me to Friday. I think I am going to request off next Friday with the goal of going to get a new license for VA. Before I head over there I can pick up Hailey's forms for the doctors. Then after I get the license I can go register her for Kindergarten! I saw that there is something special on July 24th for Kindergartners, so hopefully we can go to that if I have her registered in time! Plus I need that school list and to stop stressing over school!

After Hailey is registered then I can start the process of registering her for aftercare through the YMCA. They have a program that comes to school and stays with them until 6:30pm. They also have special camps during holiday breaks and on days off that you can drop the kids off and then do the aftercare. This will take ALOT of stress off from trying to find child care! Plus it's cheaper then I have been paying now.

So those are some of my huge concerns that need to get working on right away. From the day we sign, we have 30 days to get our vehicles titled, inspected, registered, and tagged.

I already have the electric set up for us on July 16th to be turned on in my name! That's pretty important! And we have homeowners insurance and our vehicles will be switched to the new address. That is also extra important (and saving us money!). Then we will continue to pack and move! Eventually I will get a clearer date of when we will be fully moved in so that I can get Comcast switch over there! I CANNOT be without internet with these two classes I am taking!

Then there is just the minor stuff like unregistering Hailey from St. Mary's county schools, changing all our account information, changing my work information, changing my credit cards and banking accounts over to the new address, changing tax information over, and getting my magazines switched and mail forwarded.

I guess it will all come together. I seem to be on top of knowing everything I need to do. I guess that the positive side of being a worry wart!

Also I will let you in on another secret.............well guess what! Our family is growing!!!!!

Yup, you read it right! Our family is going to be one person bigger! We are expecting a brand new KITTY CAT!!!What did you think I was talking about?!? Sheesh!

I am going with Hailey tonight to Heather's house to pick out a kitty cat! Her little hussy of a cat just had 6 adorable kittens! I am sooooo excited! I have always wanted a cat! And as much as Kenny hates the idea of cats and doesn't want one in our house, he is letting us get one! Well he never said yes, he just told me which one he liked! It also didn't hurt that when we were talking about them, I was in tears from my foot hurting so bad. So I think he felt a little bad for me! Wahoo!

So stayed tuned for more information about that! If I am estimating correctly, it will be able to come home with us at the end of August or early September! Yay! Super exciting!

Monday, July 9, 2012

Venting before I blow!

Sometimes it just feels good to VENT!

1. School is killing me! I took four classes this semester. Two classes just ended and two classes are on week 3. The amount of school work is killer compared to what I was used to at CSM. The one class demands 20 plus hours of work in it, and believe me, it hasn't been a walk in the park! I had two finals due tonight for the other two classes. I am pretty sure I have a C in both classes, which very much disappoints me!

2. Moving! Packing isn't going good. I just don't know where to start and now we are getting closer to closing. 7 days to be exact! Kenny wants a 14ft trailer that we are borrowing, to be ready and loaded for next Monday so we can take it with us. I started in the spare room and made a tiny dent, took off some picture on the walls and packed those, and started packing in a little in Hailey's room. I tackled her closet that has a lot of her old baby stuff in it. I am going to put that in the spare room closet in the new house so we will have stuff when we decide to have another baby! So needless to say, I am getting stressed with packing! I have a whole house to pack and it's just a mess! Ahhhhhh!

3. Work! Currently, I HATE MY JOB! I hate people at my job and I hate the projects that I am working on! I have never felt the way I feel right now. My blood boils when I think about certain people. I feel that hard work gets me no where because I am stuck dealing with shitty people. I can't even make a personal phone call now because the moron behind me wanted to come and complain about me being on the phone and he was not able to concentrate! Mind your own damn business!!! It seems like for one reason or another, something is always going wrong! I have little patience when it comes to work. I also feel I was treated unfairly when I was given my performance review. The two things I was marked down on, was a mistake that I asked about before the work was sent forward, and the second one wasn't even in this grading period! I felt like a whole year of hard work was ruined during the week that our reviews were written up. Money is super tight in the government, we haven't had our cost of living raise in two years and there is no moving around. Our performance bonuses were the only small amount that we could receive for a year of hard work. And of course because of those two minor mistakes, mine got cut in half. So it basically gave me enough money for a couple tanks of gas. It really has shattered my ego and things keep getting worse and I feel like I am constantly under attack with this one woman.

4. Side work! I like to do side jobs for some extra cash, but these have been driving me nuts lately. I have tee shirts that I have been procrastinating on making because the material is expensive and I am scared I am going to mess up. It also took me a long time to get material, then I had to borrow an iron. So I finally sat down the other night to work on one and first the material wouldn't cut and then the blade got messed up. I finally figured out the issue, but in the mean time I ruined $15 worth of material. I thought I would be able to salvage one part of it, but once I ironed it on, I could see a couple minor flaws. I am a perfectionist so that was a no go. Then I sent a picture to the customer and I had misunderstood that the logo goes on the back and the web address on the front. So as frustrating as the whole thing was, I guess it was good that I didn't get to finish them because they would of been wrong since I was putting the logos on the front. So now I need to get a new shirt also!
       Then the same company has been hounding me about some vinyl. Its an important job that accuracy on the color is crucial. Of course it can't be a normal color, it has to be a burnt orange color. So that same day as the request, I had to order vinyl charts so we could hopefully decide on a color. Good news is that it will be nice to have a color chart, the bad news is that it cost me $40 to get the stupid things. And then the customer keeps bugging me about when they will be here. I don't know how many times or different ways I can say Monday! I also am having a hard time getting them to understand that if I can't match the color, then there are no other options I can offer them. They can go get a color printed similar, but I won't be able to do it for them and it won't be exact, and it won't be cheap.
     Then the same company again, has bought a HUGE car carrier trailer that needs lettering! Ekkkkk so now more lettering that I will have to do and size and worry about! Believe me, I am thankful for the business, but I am really overwhelmed with work, school, and the move, to be fitting in their stuff. I only have one customer, so I guess I have to make sure that I can keep them happy at all costs. Did I mention that I just volunteered to make some signs for a benefit for one of my friends who has stomach cancer? How could I not help out!
    My other side business is Scentsy. It is supposed to be super easy, but for some reason this one party has been very difficult! I had been waiting on and order to close the one party. The woman, who after a week of trying to get in touch with her, decides that she no longer wants to order anything. So it held the whole party up and I have been dealing with the hostess every day for the last two weeks. Hopefully the other party that I have out will go a lot smoother, I have only had one phone call from them so far! Orders will be here for the one party this week for me to sort and distribute. The other party I still need to collect and they will be here the following week.
    As stressful as it has been, I just got to keep reminding myself that I need the money and that every penny helps!

5. My FOOT! My stupid heel! I am in excruciating pain every step I take with my left foot. It pulls at my heel and in the arch of my foot. I was training for a 5k and I decided to do the running program. I am not sure where I went wrong, weather it was the shoes I was wearing or the way I run, but I ended up hurting my heel. I originally thought it was bruised but after 3 weeks it was getting worse. So I went to the foot doctor. He took an x ray of it and decided I had plantar fascists, which is damage to the soft tissues and ligaments in your heel. It is a extremely painful injury and takes forever to heal. It could possibly take over a year and I can re injure it with wearing flat shoes very easily. I was basically told to ice it and given a brace to wear while I sleep that keeps my foot bent upwards to keep it stretched. Since the appointment it has gotten worse. I also limp really bad on it when I walk which is now making my ankle hurt as well. They used to do surgery on it, but now they don't anymore. I wish he could come up with some way to fix this because it makes it worse when trying to pack. I go back to the doctors on Tuesday so fingers crossed for something good to happen.

6. My WEIGHT! Ughhhhh I am so stressed out that I have gained so much weight! All the weight that I had lost before is all back and probably even more on top of it. I don't deal well when I am over stressed and for some reason the only thing I want to do is EAT EAT EAT. I have been so bad with the junk food, fast food, and sweets. I feel so out of control and so helpless. When I put my clothes on they are getting tighter and tighter. I can see that my face is getting fatter. I feel HORRIBLE about myself. It makes me really depressed, but I feel so out of control. If I could just take some time to breathe. Then with my foot hurting and being so exhausted all the time, I just can't motivate myself to work out. This will be the first thing I tackle after we move. I have never felt so bad about myself and my body before. I hate even seeing anyone or leaving my house because of it. I don't want to be around anyone because I am just to embarrassed and uncomfortable in my own skin.

So those are my main worries. I am just tired and stressed out! Everything will work out in the end and I know that, but it is hard in the process. I have been having some family issues as well and I haven't been having as much support from Kenny with anything going on. I have a lot to look forward to, and believe me, I know it, but just getting there is the hard spot. I feel better just typing it all out. It feels better just venting about it.

So until next time......... VENT SESSION DONE!

Thursday, July 5, 2012


The first box is packed! I'm proud and my living room walls are looking bare!

Monday, July 2, 2012

Hailey Ballerina!

Since September, Hailey has been taking dance at Sharon's Studio of Dance! She was in the kindercombo class for four year olds that focused on tap, ballet, and gymnastics. I could go on and on about how much I love that dance studio, but I will just settle for saying it was a great year! Hailey came a long way. It was amazing to go there every Thursday for 9 months and watch how all the girls grew and changed so much! They were all so cute! The last class in June was Parent's Night so I got to sit in the room and watch her practice for her recital. When the class was finished all the girls got trophies! It was a special year for the dance studio, so all the girls got the 25th anniversary trophies! Hailey was very excited! It was her first trophy! She has already told Kenny that she needs shelf in her new room to put it on. Soooo cute!

June 16th was the recital! It was really cute! Hailey's class went on in the middle of the show, so it gave us an excuse to watch all the dance acts! Her dance was called My Special Date and at the very end of the song it says "and my special date is my DAD". After that each dad went up and gave their daughters a flower and walked them off the stage. It was sooooo cute! Hailey did very good! Actually all the girls did amazing! I can't believe how much our dancers have changed over the year!

Now for some pictures........