So I mentioned in my previous posts that I have had some troubles this past couple of weeks with my pregnancy. Nothing to severe or anything, but some things that have raised concerns. So yesterday I had my 20 week appointment with my OB and also my first appointment with my new perinatology doctor.
So we will start off at the OB office......
First off, the OB I fell in love with went out on maternity leave in the very end of December. No big deal because I knew she was expecting and she assured me that she would be back towards the later part of my pregnancy where things might get a little more dicey for me. Well I found out yesterday that she is not coming back anymore. Another thing is that even if I was planning on delivering at Spotsylvania Regional Hospital (which my insurance didn't cover anyways so I wasn't), they are no longer doing deliveries over there. That sucks for those mom's who had that in their plans!
So I met with the midwife on staff since now I don't have a real doctor. This is where things are getting confusing because I have seen three people now and none of the notes are adding up and they are wondering why this test was ordered and why I haven't done this yet. They even started to do my sonogram which I was suppose to have done later that day with the high risk doctor. I didn't know what they were doing, I just thought they were getting some quick measurements, so when I made mention the sonogram tech seemed to catch an attitude with me because she was starting my anatomy scans. Not my fault that there is communication issues in your office!
ANYWAYS! My appointment went good. I apparently am severly dehydrated, despite the water I am drinking. They said it's just not enough and this can cause my headaches, my cramping, and also dizziness. Some of the other things could be related to dehydration or could be a sign that my blood pressure issues are getting worse and I am getting closer to preclampsia stages. I have two big jugs to fill up this weekend for another "catch" looking for protein in my urine. Not my favorite thing to do, but better to be safe then sorry. Other then that, everything is looking awesome! I'll see them in four weeks!
Now for my high risk appointment.....
I was told it would take about 2 and a half to three houses, but we were in there for a little over four! Craziness! I am happy to say that after a very long sonogram baby girl (and yes it was confirmed twice yesterday!) is looking awesome and right where she needs to be! She is already 12 ounces and loves to move all around. The doctor did ask who was short in our family, because her leg are on the shorter side (nothing abnormal or anything to worry about!). She can thank daddy for that when she gets older ha!
As for myself, he is concerned with my blood pressure since it seems to be all over the place. It is pretty stable in respect of not going too high, but he said it's getting too low at times and most likely is also a cause of the dizziness and my passing out earlier this week. He said if they don't get it up some then I will be "eating concrete" more often. Nice terminology right?!? So he is actually going to drop my meds down to try to increase it and see if he can find that fine line of control on it. This is risky because it's not good for it being too low and too high can also cause issues. He said that as I go along I am more at risk for kidney damage, stroke, and heart attacks. He said preclampsia is the most common killer in pregnancy for the mother. Also by my blood and heart not functioning just right means the baby gets less blood and the placenta will stop working which could cause growth issues for her or for her to be still born. Again, these are worse cases that they are working on preventing, but he said it is his job to get me prepared for what could possibly happen and for me to fully grasp the importance for following his every direction. This weekend is where I need to pay the most attention as my medicine begins to change. I am to be logging three times a day my blood pressure. I also need to call with my numbers on Tuesday and give them to a nurse. He will also begin seeing me every 2 weeks and the baby will have growth scans every four weeks. These appointments will be on top of my normal OB appointments at the other office. He said we will be seeing each other way more then I'll like. He is an older man and has been doing this for 20 some years. He seems to really know his stuff and is more of a "find what works" then "by the books" kind of person. He spent so much time really explaining everything to both Kenny and I. Kenny even said that this was the most informative appointment he had ever been too. He gave us both his personal self phone number to call in the event of any type of emergency and orders that if we call in the middle of the night that we better not call him sweetheart because he "has a red headed Irish woman as his wife who will come after us"! I liked how straight forward he was, but as you can tell he had a sense of humor that was calming. Kenny and I both left with a sense of ease knowing that he will be taking care of both Emily and myself.
So that's pretty much it! Changing up my meds for now, watching my blood pressure, drinking LOTS of water, and following doctors orders!
Friday, January 31, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
10 Things on Tuesday!
1. It's 8:30 and I am beyond exhausted. I don't think there will be any Teen Mom for me tonight! I'll just have to watch it at lunch tomorrow.
2. There is a small clipper coming through tonight and we could get 1 to 3 inches of snow! I'm not going to hold my breath on the snow part but it is beyond cold out there!
3. My body has been weird this week, (I'll break this long one up into three items) today I've been crampy and Kenny and I were arguing on the phone and my nose started to bleed! I hate nose bleeds!!! My blood pressure was also up pretty high. Not sure if the two are related, but I'll add this to the list of things to ask Thursday.
4. Yesterday (and today pretty much) I was nonstop from the moment I got to my desk until it was time to leave. We have huge panels that I am the specialist on and it's been complete chaos. In my past 5 years I have never dealt with a mess like this. Anyways, I didn't have time to eat so I made sure I took my blood pressure meds (don't require food) and drank a bunch of water before heading into orientation.Well I had just finished talking in front of the 30 panelist and I sat back down and instantly knew I was going to be sick. So I figured, let me get something to eat real quick to calm my stomach. Got all the way to the lobby where there is a bagel place and knew I wasn't going to make it. I jumped back in the elevator, went all the way back to my 8th floor, and then went running as soon as the doors opened and barely made it to the bathroom before I was throwing up. Lovely! I felt rough after that.
5. I have been having dizzy spells the past couple weeks. I normally stop what I am doing (which I'm always standing or on my feet doing something) and go sit down and drink water. Usually after a few minutes I feel better. I was at a viewing on Sunday for my friends grandfather who passed. I was standing in the hall talking and I started feeling dizzy. I immediately thought I should go to the car and get water and sit down for a second, but my brain decided to just ignore it and continue talking. Well within 5 minutes I ended up passing out on the floor. I was right in the middle of talking and everything went fuzzy then to black and all I could hear in the distance was someone yelling my name and I felt myself hit the ground and then my head hit. I can't even remember the conversation I was having. After I was helped to a sitting position and given water I started to comprehend again and start to hear and see. Believe me I was beyond embarrassed. I was in front of about 15 people that I actually know and see around! Ahhhhhh! They were all very concerned and freaked out. So lesson learned was you can't ignore what your body is saying or your end up with a big bruise on your shoulder and flat on your back on the floor. And before you wonder, yes I took my medicines, had drank water, and eaten on my drive there, and will be informing my doctors!
6. I returned some stuff to Toys R Us that Hailey got for Christmas. She used that money to buy a dog and two puppies with wheels that you push around on a stick type leash. She loves it, but I feel kind of ripped off that we paid $30 for that! But I just smile and remind myself that it was her money and she's happy.
7. I had my first outlet visit this past weekend and I loved it. It was my first time ever going into a Coach outlet and I bought my very first coach wristlets! I was super hesitant but after some slight convincing (ha not much at all) I bought it and am in love with it. Very happy I ended up getting it and am proud of the deal I got!
8. We went to Carter's and I am so in love with all there new stuff especially for girls! The baby stuff made me melt!
9. I took Hailey and myself to get haircuts Saturday morning. It had been over 8 weeks and my hair was looking rough! I took about an inch off mine and we both got it shaped up. And I got mine thinned a TON! Everyone who cuts or colors my hair can't believe how much hair I have! I love how new hair cuts can make you feel so much better about yourself!
10. Thursday is Emily's big day! Lots of appointments and our anatomy scan to see how she is growing! I can't wait to see what she is looking like! Fingers crossed she's still a girl because if not he would look silly in that new Little Sister onesie from Carter's!
2. There is a small clipper coming through tonight and we could get 1 to 3 inches of snow! I'm not going to hold my breath on the snow part but it is beyond cold out there!
3. My body has been weird this week, (I'll break this long one up into three items) today I've been crampy and Kenny and I were arguing on the phone and my nose started to bleed! I hate nose bleeds!!! My blood pressure was also up pretty high. Not sure if the two are related, but I'll add this to the list of things to ask Thursday.
4. Yesterday (and today pretty much) I was nonstop from the moment I got to my desk until it was time to leave. We have huge panels that I am the specialist on and it's been complete chaos. In my past 5 years I have never dealt with a mess like this. Anyways, I didn't have time to eat so I made sure I took my blood pressure meds (don't require food) and drank a bunch of water before heading into orientation.Well I had just finished talking in front of the 30 panelist and I sat back down and instantly knew I was going to be sick. So I figured, let me get something to eat real quick to calm my stomach. Got all the way to the lobby where there is a bagel place and knew I wasn't going to make it. I jumped back in the elevator, went all the way back to my 8th floor, and then went running as soon as the doors opened and barely made it to the bathroom before I was throwing up. Lovely! I felt rough after that.
5. I have been having dizzy spells the past couple weeks. I normally stop what I am doing (which I'm always standing or on my feet doing something) and go sit down and drink water. Usually after a few minutes I feel better. I was at a viewing on Sunday for my friends grandfather who passed. I was standing in the hall talking and I started feeling dizzy. I immediately thought I should go to the car and get water and sit down for a second, but my brain decided to just ignore it and continue talking. Well within 5 minutes I ended up passing out on the floor. I was right in the middle of talking and everything went fuzzy then to black and all I could hear in the distance was someone yelling my name and I felt myself hit the ground and then my head hit. I can't even remember the conversation I was having. After I was helped to a sitting position and given water I started to comprehend again and start to hear and see. Believe me I was beyond embarrassed. I was in front of about 15 people that I actually know and see around! Ahhhhhh! They were all very concerned and freaked out. So lesson learned was you can't ignore what your body is saying or your end up with a big bruise on your shoulder and flat on your back on the floor. And before you wonder, yes I took my medicines, had drank water, and eaten on my drive there, and will be informing my doctors!
6. I returned some stuff to Toys R Us that Hailey got for Christmas. She used that money to buy a dog and two puppies with wheels that you push around on a stick type leash. She loves it, but I feel kind of ripped off that we paid $30 for that! But I just smile and remind myself that it was her money and she's happy.
7. I had my first outlet visit this past weekend and I loved it. It was my first time ever going into a Coach outlet and I bought my very first coach wristlets! I was super hesitant but after some slight convincing (ha not much at all) I bought it and am in love with it. Very happy I ended up getting it and am proud of the deal I got!
8. We went to Carter's and I am so in love with all there new stuff especially for girls! The baby stuff made me melt!
9. I took Hailey and myself to get haircuts Saturday morning. It had been over 8 weeks and my hair was looking rough! I took about an inch off mine and we both got it shaped up. And I got mine thinned a TON! Everyone who cuts or colors my hair can't believe how much hair I have! I love how new hair cuts can make you feel so much better about yourself!
10. Thursday is Emily's big day! Lots of appointments and our anatomy scan to see how she is growing! I can't wait to see what she is looking like! Fingers crossed she's still a girl because if not he would look silly in that new Little Sister onesie from Carter's!
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Thursday Thoughts!
Today I am linking up with the awesome Jennifer at Ramblings of a Suburban Mom!
So what are my thoughts this Thursday?! Well for starters......
We got snow the other day, not as much as they said, but enough to close school and work and make the yard look very pretty!
It was so cold this morning that the Jeep didn't want to start! I mean it is living outside with icicles hanging off of me in 5 degree weather, I am pretty sure I wouldn't want to start either!
I got in the car this morning after letting it run for about 10 minutes and the little yellow engine light was on. I googled and this could mean a million things. I think there should be some degrees that it would come on.....like it should maybe be green when it's something minor like a gas cap is loose, or maybe yellow when it's okay to drive on but you should really look into it, and maybe a red one if you shouldn't drive on it. Because this glowing little light didn't tell me much when I was getting ready to drive 25 minutes at 5am in the morning on backroads with no shoulders to pull off if that little light meant something important.
I saw this this morning and it made me laugh. Happy Feet doesn't look so happy anymore!
Next Thursday I have my first appointment with the high risk OB in the afternoon and was told it would be about 3 hours long and now I have my appointment with the regular OB in the morning on the same day. The baby will be getting a lot of attention on Thursday!
Speaking of OBs, mine is on maternity leave. Last time I met with someone else who was filling in and this time I am meeting with a midwife. What's the difference? I really don't know much about midwives except that all of my "natural" and "wants a home birth" friends all have midwives. So will this appointment be different then normal?
Yesterday afternoon after I signed off from working at home, Hailey and I went outside to walk around in the snow and get the mail. Every year that I buy snow boots and suits we never get any snow, but the years I don't we always have snow. And let's just say after 45 minutes with our wool socks and rainboots, they were clearly not cutting it.
I read an entire book yesterday, a whole 302 pages! I woke up early and saw there were books for .99 for the Nook and of course I found one that I could not put down. I read all evening and night long! It's the same college love stories like I always seem to read, you know the one with the good girl who is just ordinary and the bad boy who is gorgeous with all the girls falling all over him, and he falls in love with her. Yup those sappy stories, but there are always some good twists in the story. At like midnight last night I found that there is a second part of the story with the guy's POV. I so spent another dollar to download that and already had the first chapter done before I finally made myself go to bed. I like reading! Keeps my mind off of my own life!
Work is going to be a nightmare for the next few weeks. It will take all I have to keep my cool during this time. A LOT of work needs to be done and A LOT of meetings are taking place and I am dealing with A LOT of not so smart people.
Hmmm what's for lunch? And what should I make for dinner? Oh and I wonder where I can get a big bag of strawberry twizzlers?! #hungrygirlproblems
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
10 Things on Tuesday
1. I may be a little over eager for the new season of Teen Mom 2!
2. Today was a snow day for work and school and I was more then excited to wake up to that. Tomorrow is another snow day for school, which means if the government doesn't close or allow for unscheduled telework then I'll have to call out.
3. We didn't get as much as they were calling for, but it's been snowing all night and I have read that our snow falls have risen about 2 to 3 inches since the sun set.
4. The wind is really kicking out there and apparently is making it really hard to clear the roads. (Another thing I have read)
5. Hailey and I stayed in PJs all day!
6. Yesterday was Hailey's dentist appointment and I have been completely dreading making because after all the previous appointments I was afraid what they would tell me! But to my surprise, there was no cavities and everything looked great! Wahoo! I could of jumped out of my seat and cheered out loud!
7. I just got the notice that government is open and unscheduled telework is allowed. At least I can get a good night sleep and not worry all night like last night about what I'll do.
8. My father in law asked about buying Hailey a bike. I told him she already had one so he said he wanted to just get one for his house. Well he called tonight to let us know he picked up two used bikes and one was to come home to our house and for us to come grab it. I understand his intentions were good but we had already told him twice she had a bike so I was irritated by the whole thing.
9. I called to see if my mom could watch Hailey on Monday since there is a teacher work day and she's off. I didn't particularly want to take her over there since I would have to go get her Monday after a long day at work, but I don't have anyone here to watch her. She told me that it was fine, but she had to take my grandmother to the doctors, so my brother could just watch her. I told her I would have to let her know because I don't feel comfortable leaving her with him. I mean he doesn't even talk to me at all, and even ignores me 95 percent of the time when I try to talk to him. So like I tried to explain to my mom that if it's such an inconvenience to talk to me then why would I want him to do me a favor. Plus he seems to ignore my wishes when it comes to things with Hailey. My mom just always says it's no big deal, but it is to me. Kenny said we will come up with something for Monday. Still it has created tension between my mom and I again.
10. Last nights grocery trip was so unlike me! I wasn't even hungry when I went, but I wanted so many different things! For example ice cream, fudge, oatmeal cream pies, and donutettes. Nom nom nom! Now I'm sitting here figuring out what I want to snack on!
So these are my 10 things on Tuesday! What would you like to share?
2. Today was a snow day for work and school and I was more then excited to wake up to that. Tomorrow is another snow day for school, which means if the government doesn't close or allow for unscheduled telework then I'll have to call out.
3. We didn't get as much as they were calling for, but it's been snowing all night and I have read that our snow falls have risen about 2 to 3 inches since the sun set.
4. The wind is really kicking out there and apparently is making it really hard to clear the roads. (Another thing I have read)
5. Hailey and I stayed in PJs all day!
6. Yesterday was Hailey's dentist appointment and I have been completely dreading making because after all the previous appointments I was afraid what they would tell me! But to my surprise, there was no cavities and everything looked great! Wahoo! I could of jumped out of my seat and cheered out loud!
7. I just got the notice that government is open and unscheduled telework is allowed. At least I can get a good night sleep and not worry all night like last night about what I'll do.
8. My father in law asked about buying Hailey a bike. I told him she already had one so he said he wanted to just get one for his house. Well he called tonight to let us know he picked up two used bikes and one was to come home to our house and for us to come grab it. I understand his intentions were good but we had already told him twice she had a bike so I was irritated by the whole thing.
9. I called to see if my mom could watch Hailey on Monday since there is a teacher work day and she's off. I didn't particularly want to take her over there since I would have to go get her Monday after a long day at work, but I don't have anyone here to watch her. She told me that it was fine, but she had to take my grandmother to the doctors, so my brother could just watch her. I told her I would have to let her know because I don't feel comfortable leaving her with him. I mean he doesn't even talk to me at all, and even ignores me 95 percent of the time when I try to talk to him. So like I tried to explain to my mom that if it's such an inconvenience to talk to me then why would I want him to do me a favor. Plus he seems to ignore my wishes when it comes to things with Hailey. My mom just always says it's no big deal, but it is to me. Kenny said we will come up with something for Monday. Still it has created tension between my mom and I again.
10. Last nights grocery trip was so unlike me! I wasn't even hungry when I went, but I wanted so many different things! For example ice cream, fudge, oatmeal cream pies, and donutettes. Nom nom nom! Now I'm sitting here figuring out what I want to snack on!
So these are my 10 things on Tuesday! What would you like to share?
Friday, January 17, 2014
The Need to Get Organized!
So with a new baby on the way I need to kick start my "getting organized"! Maybe I should mention that I have a basement full of boxes and a spare room aka baby room, full of more boxes! This means that before the baby comes, this room needs to be empty and I need to find all my baby stuff from Hailey that is mixed into the madness of the basement! And simply if I don't get it done now while I just have Hailey to worry about, then it will make it almost impossible with adding a baby to the mix!
I was catching up on my Bloglovin' feeds and I came across this post by April over at A. Liz Adventures about downsizing. She shared this information that she found about decluttering!
I was catching up on my Bloglovin' feeds and I came across this post by April over at A. Liz Adventures about downsizing. She shared this information that she found about decluttering!
I found this very helpful and something I need to keep in mind! I am not anywhere near a "hoarder", but I do have a tendency to hold onto things. Things hold sentimental value to me. They usually have a story behind them or came from someone special. This of course means stuff to me! My main goal here is getting everything unpacked and put away, but I think this would also be a really good time of going through stuff and getting rid of things that I need to let go of.
So wish me luck! Lots of luck! I know it's going to be a slow process, but I know eventually it all needs to get done. I will keep you posted!
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
WW: (Far From) Wordless Wednesday
Since probably 8th grade I have always dyed my hair, most of the time by myself. I have had different outcomes, but nothing to unbearable! I have even let untrained friends do my hair, some that have come out great and others not so much! My roots were getting pretty wild and it had been a while since I had colored my hair! I desperately have been wanting to go get it colored and high lighted professionally, but face it, that is far from in my budget currently. Last night while I ran into CVS I decided to grab a box of dye. I typically have good results with the Feria colors and I really liked the light colored blonde I got last time. So I hurried up and picked out a light blonde hoping it was the same one as before...........let's just say it was far from it!
Exhibit A:
Exhibit A:
This picture doesn't even say the half of it. What was worse was that it turned so many different blotchy colors from pure white to neon yellow. Also there were places where my roots didn't even take so there were dark brown patches throughout! It was too the point where I either had to run to the store for another box of something or call out of work. Not even throwing it up in a pony tail was going to get me through one day. It was seriously that bad!
I called out to Hailey who was watching TV and asked her if she still had her shoes on. She came down the hall telling me "no" and questioning why I was asking. She stop dead in her tracks when she saw me and said "WOAH" and I told said "what do you think? Should I go get another box?" and her answer was "I think I'll go get my shoes on!" (haha got to love her!) So we ran out to Rite Aid at 9 last night in the crazy fog to grab another box. I knew another blonde would be to hard on my already processed hair so I had to go with something dark. Not exactly what I wanted, but on the bright side, my hair didn't all fall out from back to back dyeing and I am able to leave my house today!
The end product:
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
10 Things on Tuesday!
It's Tuesday, which means another round of 10 things on Tuesday!
1. This year had an emotional start, but things have slowly fallen into place.
2. Work has been wearing me super thin these past couple weeks!
3. My grandmother had a heart attack last Sunday! Thankfully she is doing much better and was released last Wednesday. They also found she had had at least three recent strokes. She's one lucky lady that's for sure! She had been having some severe issues with memory and her vision before the holidays, so even though the heart attack didn't help her situation, it at least allowed doctors to get to the bottom of the problem and run all the tests while she was at the hospital! Her small arteries in her brain are closing up which are causing the strokes which the damage effects memory and vision. Luckily they can treat with medicine to stop the process, but they can't fix what has already been done. So we will go from there, but it definitely isn't the worse case scenario.
4. I start seeing the perinatal specialist at the end of the month. They will be doing the baby's anatomy scan. My OB office had to call and make my appointment which will be roughly 3 hours total. When they called with the date, I got nervous because I have a big meeting at work. So I had to call and reschedule that appointment. Luckily they could get me in later that week. Well I found out Thursday I have more meetings that day. I refuse to reschedule again.
5. Because Im stressed, I have been having these crazy constant headaches which the tension has also caused a pinched nerve in my sholder. Thank goodness for Bengay and Tylenol!
6. My husband is on my shit list right now! Grrrr.
7. As revenge I may have drank his last Pepsi!
8. I'm sitting here coloring my hair (in a well ventilated area) and I am crossing both my fingers and toes it comes out decent!
9. I hate tax time! It's stressful and we never get back big refunds like everyone else.
10. I need more hours in a day because I need money. So if we could just add 4 hours extra to each day, then I can fit in a part time job! You know, somewhere like Sephora or AC Moore where I can look at all the cool things while I am working!
So those are my ten things this Tuesday! What are yours?!
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
WW: Will it be a little brother or a sister?!?
So we found out right after Christmas the gender of baby #2!
Drum roll please...........
It's a GIRL!!!!!!
Meet Miss. Emily Elizabeth!
ps: As you can see we will have a thumb sucker on our hands! :)
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Welcome 2014!
So it's the first day of the new year, and I have sat here for the past probably hour and a half thinking about 2013, people who are in my life now, people who were in my life before, and just everything from, myself, my house, my job, my marriage, my friends, my daughter, and this new baby we have on the way. It's always hard for me to come up with resolutions. I usually put to much weight into them and because of that they become overwhelming and usually don't happen. Last years resolution was to just be the best person I could be in all aspects of my life, you know, just better myself for the good. Though I can tell you many ways that this happened, I can also think of ways that still need to be worked on. So for this year I will continue working on that! When I lay down to go to sleep every night, I reflect on my day. I think about conversations I have had, things I have done, and everything I did throughout the day. Sometimes I find myself wondering if I could have done more or if I should have done something differently. In 2014 I want to make sure that when I go to sleep at night I can honestly say I have done my best for that day. I have come to learn that some things are out of my control and that is okay, but I still want to make sure that I feel like I have handled the situation the best of my ability.
It's easy to get caught up on the negatives in life, whether it is the negatives in a person or in a particular situation. Often times I find myself getting so overwhelmed by such a small piece of something that I forget the bigger picture of the puzzle. It's easy for me to say how much I hate my job and how much I hate my commute, but when I stop and think about it, I would be way worse off if I didn't have my job. Though my job isn't what I want to do with my life, and it puts me way to far away from Hailey, it is still part of the path. It provides the income my family needs. It provides the experience that I need to move on to bigger and better things. So though it's not perfect, it's still a huge part in my life that I need at this very moment. Money is always an issue, but if I look at where I am now compared to where Kenny and I were 6 years ago, there's a huge differences! I may not have everything I could ever dream of, but you know what, that's okay! Because money doesn't buy happiness and all those things that I may want are exactly what I just said, they are just things. It makes you truly appreciate what you do have! I may want a lot more, but I have so much and often times I forget that.
I often find myself questioning if I am a good mother or not. I provide everything my daughter needs and for the most part wants, but am I everything I could be to her? I tend to lose my patience and yell from time to time and I know that's part of being human, but maybe I should find better ways to deal with my anger instead of fussing at a 6 year old little girl. I am strict and that's what works for me. I don't give in very easily and what I say goes. Maybe I need to be a little more nurturing and laid back at times. I can't express how much I love that little girl and how much she has changed my life for the better. Maybe I should find more ways of showing her that. I wish more than anything that I could help her get ready in the morning for school, watch her get on and off the bus, attend class functions, and volunteer in her class. I wish that when she came home from school the house was clean and dinner was waiting so we could eat at a decent time. Unfortunately this just isn't in my cards right now so I need to embrace what I do have and the time I have with her every evening. Take extra time to lay with her at night and talk about things. Every night at dinner we talk about everything in her day, but I know she has so much more to share with me! I need to be a better listener and make sure I am using my time with her as wisely as I can.
I need to work on being a better friend. I really do try hard, but there are still some aspects that I know I am lacking. I would like to think that I am a good listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Though I may not always agree with things that are said, I do try to understand where everyone comes from. Though something may not have bothered me in the same way, I still try to see where others could be upset. I choose my battles wisely and I try to just shrug off things that bother me, because in the long run the friendship is so much more then the petty thing that may have bugged me at the moment. I try to be honest and tell people exactly what I think, but I also try to choose my words wisely. But the aspect that I feel that I lack the most when it comes to friendship is making extra time for people. All those times that we have said we should do dinner or a girls night, it's a great idea and I would love nothing more, but sometimes I get caught up in the craziness in life and those things don't happen. Those are missed out memories and laughs. Those are times that we all could have needed to just catch a break and to catch up. As we get older and take on new tasks, our schedule gets crazier, but it is important to make time for those dinner dates or times to spend with one another. I need to really get the calender out and say "we have talked about this too long, how does your week look!" I know I am not the only one who tries to balance work, children, husbands, family and just life in general, but maybe if I make the extra effort then things will work out better in the long run. There are many people that I miss in my life and really need to make time to catch up!
I need to remember that there are so many positives in life and it's really how you look at it that makes the biggest difference. I can count everything that I want to change, but if I stopped counting the things that aren't there and really look at everything that is there I would realize that there is so much more to be happy about then not. I try to go into every situation fully believing that even though things make look rocky, that everything will work out for the better and it always does in one way or another.
So here is to 2014 and continuing to work to be the best person I can be! Here's to focusing on the positives and less on the negatives. Here's to letting the little things go and looking at the big picture!
I will miss you 2013, but I can't wait to see what 2014 has in store for me!
It's easy to get caught up on the negatives in life, whether it is the negatives in a person or in a particular situation. Often times I find myself getting so overwhelmed by such a small piece of something that I forget the bigger picture of the puzzle. It's easy for me to say how much I hate my job and how much I hate my commute, but when I stop and think about it, I would be way worse off if I didn't have my job. Though my job isn't what I want to do with my life, and it puts me way to far away from Hailey, it is still part of the path. It provides the income my family needs. It provides the experience that I need to move on to bigger and better things. So though it's not perfect, it's still a huge part in my life that I need at this very moment. Money is always an issue, but if I look at where I am now compared to where Kenny and I were 6 years ago, there's a huge differences! I may not have everything I could ever dream of, but you know what, that's okay! Because money doesn't buy happiness and all those things that I may want are exactly what I just said, they are just things. It makes you truly appreciate what you do have! I may want a lot more, but I have so much and often times I forget that.
I often find myself questioning if I am a good mother or not. I provide everything my daughter needs and for the most part wants, but am I everything I could be to her? I tend to lose my patience and yell from time to time and I know that's part of being human, but maybe I should find better ways to deal with my anger instead of fussing at a 6 year old little girl. I am strict and that's what works for me. I don't give in very easily and what I say goes. Maybe I need to be a little more nurturing and laid back at times. I can't express how much I love that little girl and how much she has changed my life for the better. Maybe I should find more ways of showing her that. I wish more than anything that I could help her get ready in the morning for school, watch her get on and off the bus, attend class functions, and volunteer in her class. I wish that when she came home from school the house was clean and dinner was waiting so we could eat at a decent time. Unfortunately this just isn't in my cards right now so I need to embrace what I do have and the time I have with her every evening. Take extra time to lay with her at night and talk about things. Every night at dinner we talk about everything in her day, but I know she has so much more to share with me! I need to be a better listener and make sure I am using my time with her as wisely as I can.
I need to work on being a better friend. I really do try hard, but there are still some aspects that I know I am lacking. I would like to think that I am a good listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Though I may not always agree with things that are said, I do try to understand where everyone comes from. Though something may not have bothered me in the same way, I still try to see where others could be upset. I choose my battles wisely and I try to just shrug off things that bother me, because in the long run the friendship is so much more then the petty thing that may have bugged me at the moment. I try to be honest and tell people exactly what I think, but I also try to choose my words wisely. But the aspect that I feel that I lack the most when it comes to friendship is making extra time for people. All those times that we have said we should do dinner or a girls night, it's a great idea and I would love nothing more, but sometimes I get caught up in the craziness in life and those things don't happen. Those are missed out memories and laughs. Those are times that we all could have needed to just catch a break and to catch up. As we get older and take on new tasks, our schedule gets crazier, but it is important to make time for those dinner dates or times to spend with one another. I need to really get the calender out and say "we have talked about this too long, how does your week look!" I know I am not the only one who tries to balance work, children, husbands, family and just life in general, but maybe if I make the extra effort then things will work out better in the long run. There are many people that I miss in my life and really need to make time to catch up!
I need to remember that there are so many positives in life and it's really how you look at it that makes the biggest difference. I can count everything that I want to change, but if I stopped counting the things that aren't there and really look at everything that is there I would realize that there is so much more to be happy about then not. I try to go into every situation fully believing that even though things make look rocky, that everything will work out for the better and it always does in one way or another.
So here is to 2014 and continuing to work to be the best person I can be! Here's to focusing on the positives and less on the negatives. Here's to letting the little things go and looking at the big picture!
I will miss you 2013, but I can't wait to see what 2014 has in store for me!
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