Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Night Thinking!

It's funny how my brain decides to wake up and think nonstop as soon as the lights go out at night....

So here I am Sunday night around midnight. I am exhausted, barely able to climb in bed and get the covers over me. I plug my cell phone in and reach to turn out the lights. I roll on my left side and close my eyes. This is my sleep position and just as I am about to drift away to dream land, the light bulb in my head turns on and it is now time to think.

Here was my thought process at that moment:

1. I need to wash clothes tomorrow that are in the laundry room since they all got wet in the flood.
2. Most of them can come right out of the dryer and put into bags for donations.
3. The last time I donated clothes, I donated a sweatshirt my grandparents gave me when I was in elementary school. It was a anniversary Disney one.
4. I shouldn't have donated that, I should of held on to it. It was special. ::panic starts to set in::
5. I wonder where it went and if I can get it back!
6. I wish I had of taken better care of it since it was something that someone I loved thought enough about me to bring it back to me.
7. Kind of like the necklace my aunt and uncle gave me for my graduation when I was 18 that I lost.
8. I just don't understand how I could of lost it. ::eyes are wide open, and tears are starting to form::
9. I took it for granted and now my uncle is gone and I will never get a gift like that from them again.
10. Why did I have to lose it? I should of taken better care of it.
11. I miss Dave, why did he have to leave us so soon. It's not the same and TeeTee hasn't been the same since he died.
12. I miss TeeTee. I wish she was still watching Hailey.
13. I wish we weren't so far away and I got to see everyone more.
14. I AM HOMESICK ::cue hysterical crying now::

And now it's 1am, I am crying, my head is pounding, my heart is skipping beats, I can't breath from anxiety, and my husband thinks I am a nutcase, especially when I tried to explain how this all came from thinking about doing laundry the next day.

I have been trying to work really hard on my thoughts, but this one got away from me. I have been really analyzing the stuff I worry and think about. First I ask if this is something that I should be worrying about right now. Then the follow up on that is if it is something I have any control over. And from there I either decide to let it go or break it down further. This has been working for me most nights, but as you can see, some nights my thoughts quickly get away from me.

Do you also think at night? And are you the same as me, does your thoughts jump all around?


  1. You said you went to sleep? Doesn't read that way Nikki! I'm the same way I thought about everything until 1am but cried to my cousin instead of my husband. Who was peacefully snoring next to me. I know nothing will make you feel better about that necklace but he knows you care and sometimes we just misplace things or loose things and its not our fault! It will be okay! I haven't told Jon about my necklace yet but I told him about my diamond earring eeeek

  2. I've lost many things and end up in tears because of it. It's the memories that matter most! I end up in my thinking phase right at bed time too. It sucks.