Tuesday, December 13, 2011


I am who I am, nothing more and nothing less.

I get excited by the little things. When I am really excited I clap my hands like a little kid. Sometimes the smallest things can really amuse me and make me happy!

I am emotional. I cry when I am happy, when I am sad, when I am scared, and when I am mad. My heart breaks for other people. My feelings are like potato chips, easily crushed. Words DO HURT! Sometimes they hurt more then physical actions.

I don't forget anything, I will drop it and never mention it again, but I never forget. I hold grudges, even if people don't know it. That's a bad quality, but I can't help it.

I get jealous from time to time, but I try never to show it. I am happy for the stuff people have and have earned. So I try my hardest not to let anyone know and hurt anyone's happiness.

I care about people way more then I should sometimes. I hold on to everyone it seems, even if they should be let go! I care about everyone's opinion, this has really effected me in my life. People are just mean and it's hard to rise above that.

I love to sing as loud as I can with the radio blasting. I feel like I sing and dance best in the car. I love when Hailey joins in.

I love cars and trucks, I know alot about them too. But I don't let it consume my life or drain my bank account. I have a lift kick on the way for the Jeep, but only after I have saved and budgeted for it. I won't be late on any bills or have to borrow money from anyone. It's okay when you do little things, but not when your priorities aren't set right.

I believe there is good in everyone. I believe in helping people out because not everyone is as lucky as me. I may not have a perfect life, but I have a roof over my head to keep me warm and dry, a job to pay the bills, and a healthy happy little girl. There is nothing more in my life that I NEED then that. I think everyone has a story to be told, you shouldn't judge someone because you never know what they are going through or have gone through.

I am a planner. I plan everything. I plan my life out, so I don't know how to handle change. It's not part of my plan. I guess it's part of the overall big plan in life, but it's not part of MY plan! I plan my money, I plan my career, I plan my schooling. I just feel a need to plan everything.

Overall I think I am a good person. I am not perfect by any means, I have major flaws, but overall I think I am a fun loving, good person. I want to make people smile and have a good time. Right now I feel like I am stuck in the crossroads. I don't know which way I should go. I don't know what I need to let go of. I think deep down I know all the answers, but I just don't want to believe them. I think these decisions are holding me back. They are keeping me from being me. When someone doesn't appreciate the person you are, you start to lose sight of who you really are. What am I to do? I need to get through the holidays and really take time to do some real soul searching.

All I know is I am not happy. I am sad, and I don't want to be sad.........

1 comment:

  1. This is deep Nicole! and made me cry. just sayin'. You are a wonderful person with amazing traits and you know who you are! The ones that matter and stick by you are the ones that accept all those qualities and appreciate you for being you! Everything will fall into place. slowly by surely!