Venting before I blow!

Sometimes it just feels good to VENT!

1. School is killing me! I took four classes this semester. Two classes just ended and two classes are on week 3. The amount of school work is killer compared to what I was used to at CSM. The one class demands 20 plus hours of work in it, and believe me, it hasn't been a walk in the park! I had two finals due tonight for the other two classes. I am pretty sure I have a C in both classes, which very much disappoints me!

2. Moving! Packing isn't going good. I just don't know where to start and now we are getting closer to closing. 7 days to be exact! Kenny wants a 14ft trailer that we are borrowing, to be ready and loaded for next Monday so we can take it with us. I started in the spare room and made a tiny dent, took off some picture on the walls and packed those, and started packing in a little in Hailey's room. I tackled her closet that has a lot of her old baby stuff in it. I am going to put that in the spare room closet in the new house so we will have stuff when we decide to have another baby! So needless to say, I am getting stressed with packing! I have a whole house to pack and it's just a mess! Ahhhhhh!

3. Work! Currently, I HATE MY JOB! I hate people at my job and I hate the projects that I am working on! I have never felt the way I feel right now. My blood boils when I think about certain people. I feel that hard work gets me no where because I am stuck dealing with shitty people. I can't even make a personal phone call now because the moron behind me wanted to come and complain about me being on the phone and he was not able to concentrate! Mind your own damn business!!! It seems like for one reason or another, something is always going wrong! I have little patience when it comes to work. I also feel I was treated unfairly when I was given my performance review. The two things I was marked down on, was a mistake that I asked about before the work was sent forward, and the second one wasn't even in this grading period! I felt like a whole year of hard work was ruined during the week that our reviews were written up. Money is super tight in the government, we haven't had our cost of living raise in two years and there is no moving around. Our performance bonuses were the only small amount that we could receive for a year of hard work. And of course because of those two minor mistakes, mine got cut in half. So it basically gave me enough money for a couple tanks of gas. It really has shattered my ego and things keep getting worse and I feel like I am constantly under attack with this one woman.

4. Side work! I like to do side jobs for some extra cash, but these have been driving me nuts lately. I have tee shirts that I have been procrastinating on making because the material is expensive and I am scared I am going to mess up. It also took me a long time to get material, then I had to borrow an iron. So I finally sat down the other night to work on one and first the material wouldn't cut and then the blade got messed up. I finally figured out the issue, but in the mean time I ruined $15 worth of material. I thought I would be able to salvage one part of it, but once I ironed it on, I could see a couple minor flaws. I am a perfectionist so that was a no go. Then I sent a picture to the customer and I had misunderstood that the logo goes on the back and the web address on the front. So as frustrating as the whole thing was, I guess it was good that I didn't get to finish them because they would of been wrong since I was putting the logos on the front. So now I need to get a new shirt also!
       Then the same company has been hounding me about some vinyl. Its an important job that accuracy on the color is crucial. Of course it can't be a normal color, it has to be a burnt orange color. So that same day as the request, I had to order vinyl charts so we could hopefully decide on a color. Good news is that it will be nice to have a color chart, the bad news is that it cost me $40 to get the stupid things. And then the customer keeps bugging me about when they will be here. I don't know how many times or different ways I can say Monday! I also am having a hard time getting them to understand that if I can't match the color, then there are no other options I can offer them. They can go get a color printed similar, but I won't be able to do it for them and it won't be exact, and it won't be cheap.
     Then the same company again, has bought a HUGE car carrier trailer that needs lettering! Ekkkkk so now more lettering that I will have to do and size and worry about! Believe me, I am thankful for the business, but I am really overwhelmed with work, school, and the move, to be fitting in their stuff. I only have one customer, so I guess I have to make sure that I can keep them happy at all costs. Did I mention that I just volunteered to make some signs for a benefit for one of my friends who has stomach cancer? How could I not help out!
    My other side business is Scentsy. It is supposed to be super easy, but for some reason this one party has been very difficult! I had been waiting on and order to close the one party. The woman, who after a week of trying to get in touch with her, decides that she no longer wants to order anything. So it held the whole party up and I have been dealing with the hostess every day for the last two weeks. Hopefully the other party that I have out will go a lot smoother, I have only had one phone call from them so far! Orders will be here for the one party this week for me to sort and distribute. The other party I still need to collect and they will be here the following week.
    As stressful as it has been, I just got to keep reminding myself that I need the money and that every penny helps!

5. My FOOT! My stupid heel! I am in excruciating pain every step I take with my left foot. It pulls at my heel and in the arch of my foot. I was training for a 5k and I decided to do the running program. I am not sure where I went wrong, weather it was the shoes I was wearing or the way I run, but I ended up hurting my heel. I originally thought it was bruised but after 3 weeks it was getting worse. So I went to the foot doctor. He took an x ray of it and decided I had plantar fascists, which is damage to the soft tissues and ligaments in your heel. It is a extremely painful injury and takes forever to heal. It could possibly take over a year and I can re injure it with wearing flat shoes very easily. I was basically told to ice it and given a brace to wear while I sleep that keeps my foot bent upwards to keep it stretched. Since the appointment it has gotten worse. I also limp really bad on it when I walk which is now making my ankle hurt as well. They used to do surgery on it, but now they don't anymore. I wish he could come up with some way to fix this because it makes it worse when trying to pack. I go back to the doctors on Tuesday so fingers crossed for something good to happen.

6. My WEIGHT! Ughhhhh I am so stressed out that I have gained so much weight! All the weight that I had lost before is all back and probably even more on top of it. I don't deal well when I am over stressed and for some reason the only thing I want to do is EAT EAT EAT. I have been so bad with the junk food, fast food, and sweets. I feel so out of control and so helpless. When I put my clothes on they are getting tighter and tighter. I can see that my face is getting fatter. I feel HORRIBLE about myself. It makes me really depressed, but I feel so out of control. If I could just take some time to breathe. Then with my foot hurting and being so exhausted all the time, I just can't motivate myself to work out. This will be the first thing I tackle after we move. I have never felt so bad about myself and my body before. I hate even seeing anyone or leaving my house because of it. I don't want to be around anyone because I am just to embarrassed and uncomfortable in my own skin.

So those are my main worries. I am just tired and stressed out! Everything will work out in the end and I know that, but it is hard in the process. I have been having some family issues as well and I haven't been having as much support from Kenny with anything going on. I have a lot to look forward to, and believe me, I know it, but just getting there is the hard spot. I feel better just typing it all out. It feels better just venting about it.

So until next time......... VENT SESSION DONE!

Stressing!

So I got good news........

Saturday we put an offer on a house and today we got word that they accepted the offer! Wahoo! That's great news considering we offered them $10,000 less then what they were asking for. We now have to have the home inspection done by next Monday, and then we can get everything rolling!

So that leads to me stressing......

I am excited about moving and think this will be a great fresh start to my life. It has been up and down for the past year or more. Things are finally starting to look up and I think this will be a great move for not only me, but my family. The only bad part now is the actual moving!

I am sad to be moving away from the only place I have really ever known. My friends are here and my family are here! I moved away to Baltimore without even looking back, but this time its different. This time it is hard. Maybe its because I am older and wiser now or maybe it's because I have a child and this is the only place she knows. The good part about the move is that we are doing it now before she goes into Kindergarten so that she won't have to move away mid year or leave friends she has gone to school years with. Hopefully this new area will be where she will grow up and she will be able to go to school with all her friends like I did. I graduated with kids who I have gone to Pre-K and up with. My best friends husband is one of them in fact!

I am sad about leaving my Mom, my Aunt and Jaime. I know I will still see them, but its different. I am not used to change. I don't see my Mom very often as it is, but I just feel sad knowing she won't be just 20 minutes down the road. And Hailey wasn't going to be able to go to my aunt's any more once she started school full day anyways. There would be no one to get her off the bus, so she would have to go to an after school program. And then there are my friends. I am sad about leaving Heather. I know I will still see her and our kids will still grow up together and attend all the Birthday parties and fun events, but I just feel sad about the whole thing. She expressed her feelings about me moving and how our friendship would change and I have reassured her over and over that it won't, which I honestly believe that it won't, it will just take a little more planning to get together and she will be stuck with me a little longer when she does get to see me! I know it will be okay, but then again I am just sad......

I like being able to know where I am going and I like being able to wave to people while driving and bumping into people I know when I am at the store. All that is going to change. I am not going to know anyone but Meagan and David over there and me being a social butterfly, I like to have friends! Where do I meet people?!?

Let me now put it out there that where I am moving is only an hour and a half away from Waldorf, if that. When I express how I feel to people they think I am moving hours away! I am not that far away! I drive further to work each day then it will take me to get to my family and friends. In fact I drive 2+ hours once a week one way to play field hockey. So I know I am not disapearing! And I know I will still see people! It's just hard the thought of moving. I am not a big person when it comes to change so this is a huge change to me!

I guess you can say its bittersweet! I am so happy, but so sad at the same time!

And then the thought of moving.......geeze! Where would I even begin?!? The good thing about this is that it will allow me to go through my stuff. To get rid of stuff! There is a lot to be gone though and so this is a good time to work on getting rid of stuff.

I know everything will work out, but it's just the fear of change! I know I will still see my family and I know (despite what she thinks :) ) I won't lose my best friend. I am just an hop and a skip and a tiny toll bridge away. It's not that far and everything will be okay! I just need to take a couple deep breaths and focus on the postive things! It will all be okay!

How to Make a Beautiful Life!

Today Is A Brand New Day!!

Soooooo I was bad......

I try so hard not to really spend money. I will buy some makeup here and there, but never really anything big. I have been doing really good with my money and making sure I pack my breakfast and lunches. But I have been really thinking about buying this thing a lot. I have looked at several websites and finally I just asked one of my best friends what she could recommend for me since she has a better sense of these then I do.........Are you ready?!?.......I bought.......

A NEW CAMERA!!!!



It's a Nikon p510. It's consider a compact camera and it's part of the CoolPix family! My original camera that I have had for the past 5 years is a pink cool pix that I got in a bundle for Christmas from Kenny! Believe me it has done it's job! I still love that thing and plan on keeping it handy! And believe me, I have put it through a beating! But this camera is a HUGE step up for me! Even better was that I found it on sale, got a half price memory card with it, got 1% cash back, and was able to pick it up last night! I spent a lot of time reading the reviews on it and it's pretty much perfect for what I need! I wanted something that I could zoom in and get great picture quality!

Hailey got an award in school a couple months ago and I was saddened to see that my camera couldn't zoom in on her, in fact, my cell phone took a better picture. I look at all my friends blogs and posts on Facebook and see beautiful pictures of their children. My camera has always come in handy, but I feel like I am missing something. So this is my incentive to capture all the memories! Hailey has a field trip coming up, graduation, her dance recital, her award ceremonies, and so many other things so I just didn't want to miss anything!

I laid in bed last night and played with it for awhile. The picture quality is AMAZING! And it has some really cool effects! One that I LOVED was the ability to pull colors out of the picture! I will have to upload some of the pictures I took while I was just playing around! So hopefully I won't regret the purchase. I put all my Birthday money towards it, so at least I don't feel soooo bad about it! I think I will be happy with it! Yayyyyyyy!

So thank you very much Heather for your recommendations! Maybe you can teach me some things that I didn't quite understand! Please and Thank You!!!