Monday, July 9, 2012

Venting before I blow!

Sometimes it just feels good to VENT!

1. School is killing me! I took four classes this semester. Two classes just ended and two classes are on week 3. The amount of school work is killer compared to what I was used to at CSM. The one class demands 20 plus hours of work in it, and believe me, it hasn't been a walk in the park! I had two finals due tonight for the other two classes. I am pretty sure I have a C in both classes, which very much disappoints me!

2. Moving! Packing isn't going good. I just don't know where to start and now we are getting closer to closing. 7 days to be exact! Kenny wants a 14ft trailer that we are borrowing, to be ready and loaded for next Monday so we can take it with us. I started in the spare room and made a tiny dent, took off some picture on the walls and packed those, and started packing in a little in Hailey's room. I tackled her closet that has a lot of her old baby stuff in it. I am going to put that in the spare room closet in the new house so we will have stuff when we decide to have another baby! So needless to say, I am getting stressed with packing! I have a whole house to pack and it's just a mess! Ahhhhhh!

3. Work! Currently, I HATE MY JOB! I hate people at my job and I hate the projects that I am working on! I have never felt the way I feel right now. My blood boils when I think about certain people. I feel that hard work gets me no where because I am stuck dealing with shitty people. I can't even make a personal phone call now because the moron behind me wanted to come and complain about me being on the phone and he was not able to concentrate! Mind your own damn business!!! It seems like for one reason or another, something is always going wrong! I have little patience when it comes to work. I also feel I was treated unfairly when I was given my performance review. The two things I was marked down on, was a mistake that I asked about before the work was sent forward, and the second one wasn't even in this grading period! I felt like a whole year of hard work was ruined during the week that our reviews were written up. Money is super tight in the government, we haven't had our cost of living raise in two years and there is no moving around. Our performance bonuses were the only small amount that we could receive for a year of hard work. And of course because of those two minor mistakes, mine got cut in half. So it basically gave me enough money for a couple tanks of gas. It really has shattered my ego and things keep getting worse and I feel like I am constantly under attack with this one woman.

4. Side work! I like to do side jobs for some extra cash, but these have been driving me nuts lately. I have tee shirts that I have been procrastinating on making because the material is expensive and I am scared I am going to mess up. It also took me a long time to get material, then I had to borrow an iron. So I finally sat down the other night to work on one and first the material wouldn't cut and then the blade got messed up. I finally figured out the issue, but in the mean time I ruined $15 worth of material. I thought I would be able to salvage one part of it, but once I ironed it on, I could see a couple minor flaws. I am a perfectionist so that was a no go. Then I sent a picture to the customer and I had misunderstood that the logo goes on the back and the web address on the front. So as frustrating as the whole thing was, I guess it was good that I didn't get to finish them because they would of been wrong since I was putting the logos on the front. So now I need to get a new shirt also!
       Then the same company has been hounding me about some vinyl. Its an important job that accuracy on the color is crucial. Of course it can't be a normal color, it has to be a burnt orange color. So that same day as the request, I had to order vinyl charts so we could hopefully decide on a color. Good news is that it will be nice to have a color chart, the bad news is that it cost me $40 to get the stupid things. And then the customer keeps bugging me about when they will be here. I don't know how many times or different ways I can say Monday! I also am having a hard time getting them to understand that if I can't match the color, then there are no other options I can offer them. They can go get a color printed similar, but I won't be able to do it for them and it won't be exact, and it won't be cheap.
     Then the same company again, has bought a HUGE car carrier trailer that needs lettering! Ekkkkk so now more lettering that I will have to do and size and worry about! Believe me, I am thankful for the business, but I am really overwhelmed with work, school, and the move, to be fitting in their stuff. I only have one customer, so I guess I have to make sure that I can keep them happy at all costs. Did I mention that I just volunteered to make some signs for a benefit for one of my friends who has stomach cancer? How could I not help out!
    My other side business is Scentsy. It is supposed to be super easy, but for some reason this one party has been very difficult! I had been waiting on and order to close the one party. The woman, who after a week of trying to get in touch with her, decides that she no longer wants to order anything. So it held the whole party up and I have been dealing with the hostess every day for the last two weeks. Hopefully the other party that I have out will go a lot smoother, I have only had one phone call from them so far! Orders will be here for the one party this week for me to sort and distribute. The other party I still need to collect and they will be here the following week.
    As stressful as it has been, I just got to keep reminding myself that I need the money and that every penny helps!

5. My FOOT! My stupid heel! I am in excruciating pain every step I take with my left foot. It pulls at my heel and in the arch of my foot. I was training for a 5k and I decided to do the running program. I am not sure where I went wrong, weather it was the shoes I was wearing or the way I run, but I ended up hurting my heel. I originally thought it was bruised but after 3 weeks it was getting worse. So I went to the foot doctor. He took an x ray of it and decided I had plantar fascists, which is damage to the soft tissues and ligaments in your heel. It is a extremely painful injury and takes forever to heal. It could possibly take over a year and I can re injure it with wearing flat shoes very easily. I was basically told to ice it and given a brace to wear while I sleep that keeps my foot bent upwards to keep it stretched. Since the appointment it has gotten worse. I also limp really bad on it when I walk which is now making my ankle hurt as well. They used to do surgery on it, but now they don't anymore. I wish he could come up with some way to fix this because it makes it worse when trying to pack. I go back to the doctors on Tuesday so fingers crossed for something good to happen.

6. My WEIGHT! Ughhhhh I am so stressed out that I have gained so much weight! All the weight that I had lost before is all back and probably even more on top of it. I don't deal well when I am over stressed and for some reason the only thing I want to do is EAT EAT EAT. I have been so bad with the junk food, fast food, and sweets. I feel so out of control and so helpless. When I put my clothes on they are getting tighter and tighter. I can see that my face is getting fatter. I feel HORRIBLE about myself. It makes me really depressed, but I feel so out of control. If I could just take some time to breathe. Then with my foot hurting and being so exhausted all the time, I just can't motivate myself to work out. This will be the first thing I tackle after we move. I have never felt so bad about myself and my body before. I hate even seeing anyone or leaving my house because of it. I don't want to be around anyone because I am just to embarrassed and uncomfortable in my own skin.

So those are my main worries. I am just tired and stressed out! Everything will work out in the end and I know that, but it is hard in the process. I have been having some family issues as well and I haven't been having as much support from Kenny with anything going on. I have a lot to look forward to, and believe me, I know it, but just getting there is the hard spot. I feel better just typing it all out. It feels better just venting about it.

So until next time......... VENT SESSION DONE!

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