And here we are, 2012!!!!!

Every year I make resolutions about things I want to change about myself or what I need to do better, but this year is different. I owe this change to my horoscope believe it or not. Let me tell you a little about this horoscope deal! I have never believed in this stuff, but I have an app on my cell phone that has made me a believer. It almost is always accurate with things that are going on in my life. You probably are doubting me, but hey trust me on this! So after my post on Friday, I read my horoscope and here is what it said.....

Taurus- Dec. 30, 2011

You have just one day left Taurus, to figure out who you want to be in 2012. Have you started making your resolutions yet/, and planning the modifications that will create a whole new you? Hopefully not. You are already pretty darn wonderful the way you are. Don't get caught up in finding fault with yourself, even though this time of year tends to bring out that in some people. Yes, its time to reflect on what went well and what needs some revision. But the only thing you need to change is to bolster your own self confidence, and realize that you are perfect enough to find great success in the coming year.

I thought that was an awesome horoscope and made me really think! So this year is about me, but not so much changing who I am, but changing the way I see myself and feel about myself. I need to find ways to make myself happy and not let everyone else decide my happiness for me.

So here are my steps in the right directions.....

1. I want to work on making a healthier me! In 2011 I lost a total of 39.4lbs doing weight watchers. It wasn't easy and the last couple months of the year were the hardest and I fell off the band wagon, but I never gave up. So I am picking myself back up and keeping on track! I would love to lose another almost 40lbs in 2012! Losing weight not only makes me healthier, but makes me feel better about myself. I am so hard on myself and my body, so I need to learn to love it. Focus on the things that is special about me, and make the changes that I want to see. Being thin will not make my life better, but being a healthy weight where I feel confident and pretty, would make a world of difference. I don't feel as though I am pretty. I feel ugly and I think it is hard to get past my weight issues. I want to be able to feel confident and not worry what people are thinking about me! So I want to eat healthy and start back up with my exercising routine. It will not only make me look better, but feel better all together. I will have more energy and motivation to keep going!

2. I want to do more things for me. Worry less about what other people want me to do. Take time out to read more, to enjoy a bath, to relax once and a while. I want time to myself, which includes my mind. I want to think about nothing. I don't want to be having anxiety about other people while I am trying to have me time! I need to learn to relax more. And just let myself breathe!

3. I want to get organized. I want my whole life to be organized. Functioning in chaos helps none of my situations. I want to work smarter, not harder. I don't want to be waiting until the end of deadlines or due dates. I want to stay on top of things. I want to clean my room! That is one thing I NEED to do this year. I want to be able to walk in my room and smile, not think to myself about ways to clean it and to organize it or all the stuff I haven't done.

So see..... this year is about me! Finding myself! Relaxing! Worrying less and enjoying more! Getting healthy and feeling good about myself!

I don't want to change anything about me, I think I am a good person with a big heart! I get walked on, taken advantage of, kicked around, and hurt. But what matters at the end of the day is I did what I know is right. Instead of asking "why" or worrying about how people perceive me, I want to know that I did all I could and I did what I knew was right. And that is how I will sleep at night. In the end nothing else matters!

My life is in pieces. People have taken pieces from me, broken pieces, and changed pieces. I may never be whole again, but I will work my hardest to put myself back together. I don't want to be hanging by a thread anymore. I don't want to be gluing myself back together all the time. I want to repair myself the best way I can and accept myself for the way I am. There should never be regrets, only lessons learned.

I hope to keep you posted on my  progress and the great things to come in 2012!