Thursday, November 6, 2014

A Message for Up Above

It's with a heavy heart that I write this message to you. My heart broke yesterday learning about your passing and circumstances around it. I am still in disbelief that it is all true. I haven't seen or talked to you in a couple years, but I often thought about you and wondered how you were doing. I would peek in on your facebook and see what you had been up to or look at pictures with you and your girlfriend. You seemed to always be doing the things you loved and I often saw you tagged in pictures and statuses with your friends. You posted the other day about working a lot and I was glad you were still doing autobody because I knew it was something you went to school for and you loved.

You are part of 90% of my high school memories. We were close and hung out a lot in the same circles. I spent most of my 9th grade Government class getting fussed at to turn around and stop talking to you. You were goofy and always had something crazy to say. You were quick witted and a good friend. I crushed on you most of high school and often time was more crushed wondering why you didn't like me back, but I know we always had more of a brother/sister relationship. We had so many laughs on the Votech bus and lunch every day. We would hang out at Morgan's several times and I have memories of the different concerts we went to, including crowd surfing and mosh pits. I used to joke that we would end up married one day with two kids, one named Bobby Joe and a little girl named Betty Lou. You would just shake your head and laugh. You were a great person and behind your tough front you were very caring.

A few months ago I looked at your Facebook page and wondered what things would be like for me if we had of been together. I know it would be much different and we were on two very separate paths so it probably would not have ever amounted to anything. You also popped up in my "People You May Know" feed about a month ago and I had slightly hurt feelings thinking you may have deleted me. I later realized it was a whole new account and noticed that the pictures of your girl friend were gone and figured you guys had broken up. I thought about writing you and saying hello and asking you how you were doing and now I regret not doing it.

It's hard for me to imagine someone who has always been so loved and that had so many friends would be in such a dark place in their life. I have been looking at everything people are saying about you and you meant so much to so many people. I don't judge you for your decision, but I wish you could have seen all your potential. You could have been something great. You could have had a family with a beautiful wife and kids. You could have had such a long life in front of you, but instead at the age of 27 you felt you had seen enough and experienced enough pain and hurt. It breaks my heart knowing you were feeling like this and felt that was your only option. I heard that you had been taking the separation pretty hard and had been talked down off the ledge a few times before by the ones closest to you. No one saw this coming yesterday and it was business as usual for you the day before. You went to work, you had dinner at your best friends house, you talked to people. I couldn't imagine what was going through your mind yesterday morning when you decided that you had had enough. I wish someone could have helped you or that you had of reached out to someone. Things could have gotten better and you could of gotten help. It could have been okay.

I laid awake last night thinking about you. My chest was tight and my heart ached realizing what the world lost yesterday. I thought about so many laughs with friends and so many good times and each thought brought me right back to the disbelief that you are now gone. I truly hope you found the peace you were looking for. Until we meet again.......

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