Wordless Wednesday!

 

Can you guess which pumpkin belongs to who?!?

 

The top one is mine. The middle one is Hailey's "super scary" one, she even carved the nose all by herself! and the bottom one would be Kenny's, he thought I would like to have a Jeep pumpkin!

Silly boy!

 

Happy Halloween!!!

Friday Letters!

I have missed all my link ups this past week! So today I am taking the time out to link up with Ashley over at Adventures of Newlyweds!

Dear Hailey, I am so so soooo proud of you for being student of the week in class this week! I am glad I was able to come and see you present! I could just tell how proud you were when you got up there to show all your pictures and your favorite things! You really surprised me with how confident you were and how well you interacted with your classmates! You have always been so timid, and Wednesday you were so outgoing when you were in front of the whole class! And since you ask me EVERYDAY, there are five days until Halloween now!

Dear Kenny, Thank you for fixing my shifter (that you broke)! Haha I had to add that part in! I do appreciate you buying a new one and fixing it! We didn't even have to argue about it! I am glad things are going good between us! I know you are much happier having a garage. Though I may not always understand everything, you do impress me with the way you build and create things! And thanks for putting up with me coughing ALL night long the past week!

Dear Cough, Please go away! I can't sleep, even with a ton of pillows under my head! You have been with me a wholeeee week! I think you have stayed long enough now!

 Dear Meggie Poo, I hope you don't continue to stress yourself out so much with school! It was just a bad week, and I am sure next week will be much better! I'm always here to grade papers for you when you need it!

Dear Amanda, Seeing you yesterday was great! I wish your new job made you happier! It makes me even more scared to leave this place! I hope you will find a position really soon so you can come back here! I'll keep a look out!

Dear NHL, I have waited forever for hockey season to start again! Please come to an agreement because I miss you guys so much! I have nothing to watch on television anymore! Soon. PLEASE!

Dear Self, I hope you have a great weekend! And you make alot of money at your Scentsy thing on Sunday! Make sure you keep up with all you school work, I see that you have been slacking some! And get to that organizing all ready!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!!!

Goal #4- Dealing with Stress and Anxiety!

Soooooo! I have actually really been working on these goals. I can see a difference in just my outlook!

So here is a little about me! I have chronic depression. I was diagnosed with it when I was 17 and started medicine for treatment to deal with the symptoms. I still have episodes though, and everything can be going good but I can't help but feel blue, isolate myself, and just be exhausted. Nothing has to be wrong in order for me to feel that way. I know I am very fortunate for all I have and I don't take it for granite. I call it my "funks". As fast as I fall into one, I can normally bring myself out of one. Some last longer then others. It is hard for people to understand them if they don't deal with them. My best friend who is just happy with everything in her life, one day just had a melt down. She became super depressed, couldn't deal with any of her daily stress, and couldn't even bring herself to leave the house. She thought she was crazy because "nothing was wrong". I had to keep explaining to her that nothing has to be wrong for someone to be depressed. It just happens sometimes, it's a chemical imbalance in the brain. There is nothing wrong with it. It is just learning to accept it and deal with it as it comes. Luckily with much pushing from me, she went to the doctors and started on a medicine to help balance her out and then started talk therapy to learn to deal with it.

Okay, so back to my story...... I feel like I have been in a funk for the past couple months. I partly blame this on the insurance company. You know, the one who wanted to play games with my medicines and would not give me the one I had been on for almost two years, until I tried a generic brand of something else. Needless to say, that was an awful month! August and some of September was HORRIBLE for me emotionally. It was literally like I was on a roller coaster. One minute super happy and the next so out of touch with the world. I was angry and just flat out sad all the time. Like most medicines I have tried, it clearly didn't work for me. Luckily I have been back on my medicine for the majority of October, so after two weeks or so, of it getting back into my system, I generally I feel a lot better.

I am like everyone, there is things I dislike about myself and only I can fix those. So I think realizing that now is a better time then ever to fix those has helped. I have started drinking more water and less of the soda and sugary drinks. I have cut back on my eating and replaced a lot of meals with healthier vegetables and fruits. I snack on those more often so that I am less hungry come dinner time. Now the organizing part...... that's a work in progress! I keep pinning new things and ways to organize. I just need to save up the money to get some of the stuff I need. I'll get there slowly, but surely!

These small changes have just made me feel more energized and better about myself! My skin is even clearing up! Just shows what the extra junk can do! Honestly, I think that just stopping and realizing that I was in a funk, helped me pick myself back up and work on getting out of it. It is been a little less then two weeks and I am already seeing the bright side at the end of my tunnel!

So now this brings me to goal numero fouro (I took French in school, so I don't know my Spanish, but it sounded good!): Managing Stress and Anxiety!

I found these guidelines from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADDA) site while doing a research paper for one of my classes.

Tips to Manage Anxiety and Stress

When you're feeling anxious or stressed, these strategies will help you cope:

• Take a time-out. Practice yoga, listen to music, meditate, get a massage, or learn relaxation techniques. Stepping back from the problem helps clear your head.
• Eat well-balanced meals. Do not skip any meals. Do keep healthful, energy-boosting snacks on hand. (See I am working on that!)
• Limit alcohol and caffeine, which can aggravate anxiety and trigger panic attacks. (Wahoo for drinking more water instead!)
• Get enough sleep. When stressed, your body needs additional sleep and rest.
• Exercise daily to help you feel good and maintain your health. Check out the fitness tips below.
• Take deep breaths. Inhale and exhale slowly.
• Count to 10 slowly. Repeat, and count to 20 if necessary.
• Do your best. Instead of aiming for perfection, which isn't possible, be proud of however close you get.
• Accept that you cannot control everything. Put your stress in perspective: Is it really as bad as you think?
• Welcome humor. A good laugh goes a long way.
• Maintain a positive attitude. Make an effort to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
• Get involved. Volunteer or find another way to be active in your community, which creates a support network and gives you a break from everyday stress.
• Learn what triggers your anxiety. Is it work, family, school, or something else you can identify? Write in a journal when you’re feeling stressed or anxious, and look for a pattern.
• Talk to someone. Tell friends and family you’re feeling overwhelmed, and let them know how they can help you. Talk to a physician or therapist for professional help.

And one thing I have been learning, is to continue telling myself that it will all work out in the end. I have made it this far, so something has to be working! I have always gotten everything done! I have always passed the my classes! I may have been late to things, but it has worked out! I think just by approaching everyday things that way has helped me just calm down some! I still get anxiety, but I just try to breathe through it. I have picked up a couple hobbies that take my mind off of stuff! And I have been letting things roll off me more then usual. Somethings aren't worth the fights or even the point of saying anything. Sometimes it's just easier to smile and ignore it. It's just better that way!

So goal number 4 is already a work in progress and has been for sometime. I am going to continue to work on it and just let things go. Take a moment out to just breathe and clear my mind each day! If you spend so much time worrying about the future, then you will miss everything in the present!

Weekend Recap!

This past weekend was really fun and really busy! It started out a tiny bit rocky on Friday, but it all worked out in the end!

I was on my way home Friday. Hailey and I were supposed to go to the YMCA Halloween Carnival with Meagan. About 3:48pm I received a phone call from the girl at Hailey's aftercare telling me she had gotten sick and was in the office with the nurse and that someone had to come get her right now! Kenny was working Friday, so I told them that I was on my way and would do the best I could with traffic. I hung up the phone with them and see that I have a voicemail on my phone. It was Hailey's teacher and she said that she did not think Hailey had the flu, that Hailey had been really upset all day and she thinks that she got coughing while crying and choked up. She told me to please come see her when I got there since she would be there late. So the TWO hours later I finally pull up to the school. I went to the front office but the doors were locked so I assumed she wasn't in the front office anymore. Then I went around back to the YMCA room and that was dark and closed. So then I went to the classroom and there was Hailey, as happy as can be, helping the teacher. Apparently Hailey didn't want to go to YMCA and started crying and then coughing and that's when she got sick. So she wasn't sick, just upset. The teacher said she had just had a rough day. Poor Hailey! I was glad the teacher took Hailey to her classroom. She said Hailey is a great helper and would love to have her stay after to help sometimes. Hailey is really looking forward to that! I still don't know what I am going to do about aftercare. She had been doing so good and now she gets upset everyday when she has to go there. Boo!

So back to my story! I picked Hailey up and we ran home and started dinner. Meagan got there just in time to eat, so we shoveled ate our food quickly and headed to the Halloween event. It was really nice! Of course we didn't get there until it was half over. The gym was set up as a carnival with tons of things kids could do and make and earn candy for. They had games to play and music. It was really nice. It cost a couple bucks for Hailey, but Meagan and I were free so that made it even better! Then we all headed outside to the hayride! It took us all over in the dark. I wanted to do the haunted hayride, but Hailey wasn't going for that. I love being scared, but I need to remember she is only 5! Then we grabbed some ice cream and went home and I went to work on doing a whole bunch of vinyl jobs I had to get done!

Saturday was really busy. I got up early to finish the vinyl jobs and then I needed to frost the cake I had made the night before. We got ready and headed out the door to take Pixie to the groomers in LaPlata. We barely made it in time! I then dropped off my jobs and headed to target and lunch! Then we made a very special stop to see a sick little girl in the hospital! My best friend's daughter was admitted on Friday and they had to stay until Monday in there. We took her a very special gift to try to cheer her up and visited with her for a little while. Friday was my friend's birthday, and it just so happened we were there when her mother in law came with her Birthday cake! It was in the shape of a camera and was really cool! So we got to have cake and celebrate her birthday with her while we were there!

After we left there, we headed to pick up Pixie, who looked so much better! She had gotten to be a mess and a groom was way over due! Then we headed to my Grandmother's to celebrate my dad's Birthday and see everyone! My Uncle was up from Georgia which was nice! My cousin and his girl friend were there and we had a good time laughing with them! I really like her! I hope she stays around! Then everyone had some of the cake I made and we headed home!

Sunday was the pumpkin patch with my cousin and her little girl! I was going to tie it into this post, but I might just go ahead and make it it's own post! And believe me, I got lots of pictures! So I will leave this to be continued.........

Needless to say, it was a really great weekend!

Bouncing for a Cure Event- Oct. 13

A couple weekends ago we took part in a charity off-roading event through the Virginia Krawlers group. It was called "Bounce the Boobies". This was the second annual event. Last year there was a total of 15 vehicles and 18 people that took part in it. They raised $300 to go to Susan G. Komen fund! This year there was close to 200 vehicles alone and together we raised almost 5 grand! It was an amazing event and the people who put it on were floored by the amount of vehicles that showed up and the amount of support they got! It was a great day! Beautiful weather and the scenery was awesome. We met the people in our area that were going at Home Depot in Fredericksburg at 7am. It took us almost two hours to get there. Then we all met up with all the other groups from all over the areas at an empty parking lot where we all registered and they did raffles. Then they broke into groups and hit the trails at George Washington National Forest. We were the last group to go and ended up with 35 vehicles, mostly Jeeps. It was a lot of fun, we barely made it off the trail before dark. We were probably up there 5 hours. The people were awesome and really friendly. We made some new friends and Hailey got to meet some new kids. We ended our night by going to Taco Bell with another couple in our area. They were actually the ones who organized and put the event together. We hit it off pretty well and they had their five year old son with them so Hailey had someone to talk to. Hopefully we see them real soon again! We didn't get home until almost 1am, needless to say it was a long day, but we had a blast which made it so worth it!

 

And here are some pictures!

This whole parking lot was FILLED!

Hailey waiting!

On our way there! The drive was beautiful!

Airing down my tires!

Waiting with our group to hit the trails

Trails. They were super tight to drive through by beautiful colors!

Going through some water!

Hailey on top of the mountain!

Beautiful!

This was the town we drove through! It is itty bitty now!

 

 

And a very muddy Jeep the next day!

Friday's Letters

Today I am linking up with Ashley over at Adventures of Newlyweds!

Let's see where to start!

Dear Hailey, I am sorry you didn't get to do your pumpkin run at school today. I am glad they postponed it until Monday when it won't be so wet and rainy. I really didn't want you to have to walk around all wet and cold today from running in the wet grass. But I know you were excited, so I am sure you were disapointed when you woke up and found out it was canceled. We will have lots of fun tonight and this weekend to make up for it! Dear Meagan, I can't wait to spend the evening with you at the Halloween carnival! Wahoo! Dear October, You are my favorite month, can you slow down just a little?!? Dear Heather, Happy Birthday! I hope your day and weekend are amazing! Dear Kaley, Happy it's almost your Birthday. You and my Dad are Birthday twins! Dear Miss Jaime, I can't wait to see you this weekend and squeeze you! I can't wait to take a bunch of pictures of you and Hailey this weekend at the pumpkin patch! Dear Self, You are doing so good with the goals you set forth. Life has it's ups and downs and I know you are really stressed with worrying about things, but you need to pull yourself out of the funk and you really are working on it! Keep it up and once you start feeling better about yourself then everything will all fall into place!

Goal #3- Organize

So goal #2 was to drink more water! And as you can see from my picture from this morning's commute to work, that I was right on that! And my start to the diet make over in goal #1 hit a speed bump yesterday when I ran into Wegman's for salmon. I had an odd craving when while driving home for some fresh salmon, so as I was walking over to the fish section I passed the bakery, and there sitting on a table looking all pretty and delicious were individual pieces of chocolate cake with buttercream icing decorated for Halloween! Two reasons that I could not pass them up were that A. Wegman's has the best cake ever! and B. They were Halloween! I mean come on, they wanted me to buy them! And it was a nice taste to go with my glass of wine! Hehehe, so mini fail at night yesterday, but again I am taking BABY STEPS!

So onto Goal #3:

Welp, my house is still halfway not even halfway unpacked. I know I want to make sure that everything is organized, so I have been working on figuring out ways. I came across a site on pinterest which you can see HERE! It shows ways and tips that you can organize your entire house! This gave me lots of ideas! Some of my favorites were:

1. Use a Rail in Your Sink Cabinet for Cleaning Products

3. Store Foil, Saran Wrap, and Wax Paper Rolls Inside of a Magazine Rack

4. Use a Magazine Rack to Store Pot Lids

9. Supplement Your Fridge Storage

18. Hang Eyewear on a Hanger

26. Store Your Hair Appliances with PVC Pipe Attached to the Inside of a Cabinet

30. Put a Shelf Over Your Bathroom Door for the Stuff You Don't Need Regular Access To

34. Use a Shoe Organizer to Store Cleaning Supplies

42. Use the IKEA Grundtal System to Organize Crafts

So that was to name a few! I mean there are so many ways to organize! I need to get wicker baskets or fabric crates for the hall closet. That way I can group all my small stuff together. There is just so much that needs to be done and gone through!

By going through and getting rid of stuff and organizing the rest, will just make things so much easier and less stressful! I have to put away some time that I can just start sitting and going through stuff. Or try to do one bag or box a day. What has happened is that I have gotten the living room, kitchen, and dining room cleaned. So basically all our boxes are downstairs in the family room or in the "baby room/guest room". Out of sight means out of mind!

I need to get to it, that will eliminate so much stress all in itself! And it will be one more way that I can get back on track to getting a more positive lifestyle!

Goal #2: Hydration

My goal #1 was to revamp my diet! And I took positive steps in the right direction today! I blended myself a green smoothie before I headed out the door this morning. Ate a banana for a mid morning snack and enjoyed a peanut butter and banana sandwich for lunch! Then I topped my afternoon off with some grapes for the drive home! So as you can see, steps in a positive direction!

My goal #2 is one that I used to be so good about, but the last few months have completely stopped doing! Drinking water! Water not only fills you up, makes you healthier, but just makes you feel better!

Here are some benefits of drinking water:

1. Lose weight: Drinking water helps you lose weight because it flushes down the by-products of fat breakdown. Drinking water reduces hunger, it’s an effective appetite suppressant so you’ll eat less. Plus, water has zero calories.
2. Natural Remedy for Headache: Helps to relieve headache and back pains due to dehydration. Although many reasons contribute to headache, dehydration is the common one.
3. Look Younger with Healthier Skin: You’ll look younger when your skin is properly hydrated. Water helps to replenish skin tissues, moisturizes skin and increases skin elasticity.
4. Better Productivity at Work: Your brain is mostly made up of water, thus drinking water helps you think better, be more alert and more concentrated.
5. Better Exercise: Drinking water regulates your body temperature. That means you’ll feel more energetic when doing exercises. Water also helps to fuel your muscle.
6. Helps in Digestion and Constipation: Drinking water raises your metabolism because it helps in digestion. Fiber and water goes hand in hand so that you can have your daily bowel movement.
7. Less Cramps and Sprains: Proper hydration helps keep your joints and muscles lubricated, so you’ll less likely get cramps and sprains.
8. Less Likely to Get Sick and Feel Healthy: Drinking plenty of water helps fight against flu and other ailments like kidney stones and heart attack. Water adds with lemon is used for ailments like respiratory disease, intestinal problems, rheumatism and arthritis etc. In another words one of the benefits of drinking water is that it can improve your immune system.
9. Relieves Fatigue: Water is used by the body to help flush out toxins and waste products from the body. If your body lacks water, your heart, for instance, needs to work harder to pump out the oxygenated blood to all cells, so are the rest of the vital organs, your organs will be exhausted and so will you.
10. Good Mood: Your body feels very good and that’s why you feel happy.
11. Reduce the Risk of Cancer: Related to the digestive system, some studies show that drinking a healthy amount of water may reduce the risks of bladder cancer and colon cancer. Water dilutes the concentration of cancer-causing agents in the urine and shortens the time in which they are in contact with bladder lining.

There is many positives things about drinking water! Since I have stopped drinking water all day long I have noticed that my sugar cravings have gotten really bad. My skin tends to break out more. And I am sure there are other things that I don't even relate to the absence of water.

So my next goal to steps in the right direction is to drink water! Lot's of water! It is recommended a half of ounce to one whole ounce for every pound you weigh. That means I better start drinking right now!

Wordless Wednesday!

My scarecrow family that greets me when I pull in the driveway every night!

Goal #1- Revamp my diet!

In order to achieve something, you must have goals. Goal #1- Revamp my diet!

When you eat better you feel better! You get more energy from good foods and less lag from not so good foods. In order to accomplish anything, I need energy. I can't work towards other goals if all I want to do is sleep. So let's take a look at what I have going on here:

• Cut out almost all fast foods- Good habit!
• Started drinking regular soda- Bad habit!
• Sit at the dinner table every night with Hailey and eat together- Good habit!
• Not measuring food to control portions- Bad Habit!
• Not drinking water throughout the day- Bad Habit!
• Going long periods between meals- Bad Habit!
• Eating sweets to satisfy my sweet tooth- Bad Habit!
• Going grocery shopping every week- Good Habit!

So I have developed some good habits and I have developed some bad habits. Also since I go long periods of time between meals, I tend to eat more at meals. Not to mention I am missing out on those small snacks that keep my energy and blood sugar up!

Daily recommended nutritional servings:

The Food Pyramid for Nutrition Guidance: A Snapshot
Here's a breakdown of the food pyramid guidelines, which now list total daily amounts in each category that you can assign to meals and snacks throughout the day:

• Grain Group: six ounce-equivalents or servings each day. Choose at least three that are whole grain.
• Vegetable Group: 2.5 cups total for five servings each day. Choose a variety of vegetables of different colors, including dark green and orange.
• Fruit Group: 2 cups total for four servings each day. Choose a variety of fruits of different colors.
• Milk Group: 3 cups each day. Yogurt, milk, and cheese (low-fat or fat-free versions are best).
• Meats and Beans Group: 5.5 ounces total for two or three servings each day. Lean meats, chicken, eggs, nuts, dried beans and peas, and fish.
• Oils: six teaspoons or servings each day. Choose mono- and polyunsaturated oils.
• Discretionary Calories: a small amount. An allotment of 100 to 300 calories can be used on foods with fats or sugars, like dessert.

So there we have it! Goal 1: Let's revamp my diet! The first step to feeling better is beginning with feeling better about my body and self!

Needing a fresh start!

I was going to title this, "I need to rewind", but seriously in life there is no rewind buttons. There is only a play button, the one that moves us forward and keeps us going. So I don't need to rewind, I just need to refresh and move on!

Someone really close to me said they felt that we were barely friends anymore. This is one of my best friends, so needless to say I paniced. Its an important friendship to me and I have been feeling loss since she said that. After talking to her today, she said she felt like I am not the same person anymore. And you know what, honestly I don't feel the same anymore. I feel so down in the dumps, so uncomfortable in my own skin, so unsure of just about everything, and always so anxious. I try to stay positive on the outside, but I know that being unhappy on the inside reflects on the outside.

I have a lot to be happy about. I have a stable job, a husband who is great with our daughter, a happy and healthy daughter, I have friends who care about me, a family that loves me, a new home, and a nice area to raise a family. Money sucks, but everyone is in that boat, and in all honesty my situation could be way worse. I am able to pay the bills, I am able to put food on the table, my child has clean clothes that fit her, and shoes that she can run in. I don't have to go without eating so that my child can have a full stomach. So I am very fortunate. And though I may not have money in the bank or money to buy the things I want, I am getting by just fine. Good things come to people who wait.

So with that said, my issues are clearly internal. There has been hiccups in the road, but life is a rollar coaster and it has it's ups and downs. There is nothing too major and nothing I won't be able to get through. I just have to take it day by day.

So what can I do? What will make me feel more positive? I am a people person, but lately I just have wanted to be by myself. What can I do to make me feel like my old self again?

I have been doing a lot of research on things to make my life healthier. I have turned to some bad habits when it comes to food and eating, in turn slacking off on good habits I had developed. My sleep habits suck, my eating habits suck, and just my daily habits suck.

I'm always so exhausted, stressed, anxious, and just pure blah! I keep getting colds and I think it's just the fact that being depressed is just bringing me down altogether. It's hard on your mind, your body, and your soul.

So today I am deciding to take steps to change the way I think! To destress! To get back to feeling good about myself and just good in general! To be healthier and happier! And it all starts with simple changes! So instead of thinking they are good ideas and that "I need to do this" I am changing it to "I am GOING to do this!" And I am going to use my blog in a positive way, a journal to sort out my ideas and thoughts, and a way to move forward.

And I will be the first person to admit, I never thought much on blogging and I never understood why my friends liked it. They told me to just give it time, find other blogs to read. And I did and with it I have found so much inspiration, I have found that others think the same way as me, and have similar lives. Though I am still new at this, I have found this as a way to just vent and a place where I can be myself. I can share my likes and my dislikes, my worries and things that are going good. It's a place for me and my thoughts. And hopefully now it will be a place for a new start and a reflexion on life.

So here is a step in the right direction and the begining of a new journey to find and better myself!

So What Wednesday!

So today I am linking up with Shannon at "L.A.I.D"  for one of my favorite things of the week!

This week I am saying SO WHAT to........

• The fact that I spent Saturday, part of the day Sunday, and most the day Monday laying in bed! It was a much needed break and I needed to catch up on some sleep!
• The realtor with the other house is rude and keeps upsetting me, as long as she gets it gone, then I will be a happy camper and won't have to ever talk to her again!
• That I have done my weekly shopping at Giant the past 3 weeks, just so I can rack up my gas rewards to get a good deal to fill the Jeep up!
• That I was finally fell asleep around 3:50am on Tuesday morning and my alarm went off at 4:15am and I couldn't get up. I worked 3 hours extra to save credit time last Friday, so I just used some of that and came in 2 hours late.
• That I have a list of school work that needs to be done, and I didn't even touch a thing yesterday.
• I still didn't write that list of things I am suppose to be doing or remembering! I MUST do that right after I finish this!
• That the first thing I did when I got home last night was open a bottle of wine because it was definitely just one of those days!
• I got a letter from Hailey's school yesterday saying that she is not up to code with VA State vaccinations, somewhere along the line, a second dose of something wasn't given, so I have a month to figure out if it just wasn't documented or she needs it, or she can't come back to school.
• That I missed the past two weeks of dance classes, because even though I leave early on Thursdays I didn't get to Hailey on time to get her there before class started!
• I am going to take her out of that dance studio and switch her to gymnastics. It's the only thing I could find closer with evening classes, but she seems happy about it.

And like always, I could go on and on, but I will stop with those 10!

Currently......

Watching: The only thing I take the time to watch is Grey's Anatomy! What a crazy first two episodes! I am so anxious to see what the rest of the season brings! Besides that, Hailey and I have been watching some of the Disney Halloween movies! And we did take time on our rainy Sunday to go see Frankinwennie! It is only her second movie to ever go see and it was the first time I had been to the movies in probably almost two years!

Listening to: I spend a lot of time in the car, so I tend to switch stations trying to keep up with the traffic updates. Only two stations, which are out of Fredericksburg, update me on the parts of I-95 that I need. This afternoon I am excited to start the another audio book! Those 9 hours of cds really does kill a lot of time! Wahoo!

Thinking about: The other house and wishing it would just sell and disappear forever.

Trying to figure out: All the little things I am suppose to be remembering! I need to grab a notepad after I finish typing this and jot them all down!

Looking forward to: This weekend's four wheeling and camping trip. Hailey is coming along for the event, so depending on the weather, there might not be any camping this weekend, but it still will be fun to go through George Washington National Forest and enjoy all the scenery on the trails! Plus it will be my first time taking the Jeep out! I am also looking forward to the pumpkin patch with Hailey and Jaime coming up! A couple Halloween things I have planned with Hailey to do! Her YMCA aftercare Halloween/Parent's Appreciation event! Trick or treating! And then the big camping and off roading trip to Kentucky in November! I love love loveeee the fall!

Reading: My answer should be my Sensation and Perception, Lifespan Development, and Technoplogy books for school. Orrrrr my 12 articles for literature review that is due, BUT the only answer I have is the book Bloom. I have laughed and cried so much in the first 70 pages. It's such a touching beautiful story!

Making me happy: Knowing that two classes end this week and I will be that much closer to graduating! The fact I got to spend so much time with Hailey this past weekend. She loved going to the movies and just walking through the mall with me, it's not something we get to do often! That there is in a chill in the air and it's starting to feel like fall. Thinking about plans for baby #2! And most importantly, thinking that I have no plans tonight and nothing that needs to be done, so since I couldn't sleep at all last night, it sounds like a perfect night to go to bed early! Yay!

National Bullying Prevention Month

So I came across this yesterday and I am so glad I took the time to catch up on the story and listen to the video. It was such a strong message and it stirred up a lot of emotions in me.

The message was powerful. My first reaction was that I could not believe someone would write a letter like that to her. When I look at this woman the first thing I noticed was her beautiful hair and to be honest I didn't even pick up her size until I read the story. It makes me wonder what goes through people's head when they decide to pick fun on or bully someone. To personally attack them and make them feel bad about their self. Why would you do that to someone?

I have always been on the heavier side. I am big boned, and no that is not my excuse for being over weight, so even at my smallest weight I was never that "perfect size zero" that I thought I needed to be. I remember as early as third grade being made fun. In fact I came home from school crying because one boy kept picking on me and asking me if I was pregnant. Kids are mean, they are cruel! Because of experiences like that, I have always been so self conscious and my self esteem suffered. When I got into middle school I hit a growth spurt, and even though I was thicker, I wasn't way overweight. But it didn't stop the teasing or bullying. In fact, in 7th grade there was a boy I really liked and in an instant message conversation, he wrote me and said how much he really like me too, so maybe if I started eating just salads for a while and lost weight then we could date because he didn't want his friends to make fun of him. I dealt with that kind of stuff my whole life and it wasn't always my weight. My parents didn't have a lot of money so even though I always dressed nicely, my clothes came from Kmart or Walmart or Target and it easily became the butt of someones joke.

No one will ever know the way the things that were said to me effected me in life. They didn't stop to think that those little comments would be running through my head constantly while I suffered for 7 years with two serious eating disorder and addiction to diet pills (and even to this day still mentally deal with ED demons). They will never know the pain that I went through physically and emotionally. They didn't stop to think that even to this day, I feel like I am nothing to everyone because I am not skinny and that I never once feel beautiful. Kenny hosted a bon fire over the weekend and I was literally sick to my stomach meeting new people. I know I have talked several times about my weight and that I am struggling to get back on track with weight watchers, so I was nervous and all I could think of was how embarrassed Kenny must be of me. I texted my best friend that morning and wrote "I don't want to be here today, I don't want to meet new people, I am so grotesquely overweight and I am just embarrassed of myself. Please can I hide out at your house?" and her response was on the lines of that it isn't the numbers on the scale, it's how you carry yourself and she basically told me I was beautiful inside and out and that people aren't that shallow to judge you on a few extra pounds. But the truth is, sometimes they are that shallow, they have been that shallow, and I have experienced it first hand.

Everyone is fighting their own battle. Even the most beautiful person out there, is struggling with something. People come in all different sizes, all different colors, all different backgrounds. We are all different! There is no such thing as a cookie cutter mold. Like I said before, all I dreamed about was getting into a size zero. I starved myself thin, sickly thin, and the smallest size I could fit was a size 7. I have hips and even with hip bones showing, a 7 was the best I could do. There is no perfect weight for us all to be. There is no size we all should wear. Everyone is different!

Bullying has become a huge problem in our society. The rate of teen suicide is up and in many cases, bullying has been to blame. Could you imagine feeling so alone in the world and so out of place, that you feel that ending your life is your only option to just make the hurt end? Could you imagine your own child feeling that way? Parents need to talk to their kids. They watch and learn from us and others. I have had so many talks with Hailey about people and how we are all different. She knows that some families have a mommy and a daddy, or some just a mom or just a dad, some families are just grandparents or aunts and uncles, and sometimes a family is two moms and two dads. We talk about how lucky she is to have the things she has and that there are other people who aren't as lucky as her. She knows that people all look different and talk different. I want her to know that it is okay to be different! Our differences are what makes us each beautiful and I hope that no one ever takes that away from her. I hope she will always be confident and know that no matter what size she is, how tall she is, or what she looks like, that she is beautiful to the world because there is just one her.

We all fight our own battles. None of us know exactly how others feel in the inside. We don't know what scars and memories we carry with us. Don't ever judge a book by it's cover. I just wish the whole world could realize that..........