Friday, October 5, 2012

National Bullying Prevention Month

So I came across this yesterday and I am so glad I took the time to catch up on the story and listen to the video. It was such a strong message and it stirred up a lot of emotions in me.

The message was powerful. My first reaction was that I could not believe someone would write a letter like that to her. When I look at this woman the first thing I noticed was her beautiful hair and to be honest I didn't even pick up her size until I read the story. It makes me wonder what goes through people's head when they decide to pick fun on or bully someone. To personally attack them and make them feel bad about their self. Why would you do that to someone?

I have always been on the heavier side. I am big boned, and no that is not my excuse for being over weight, so even at my smallest weight I was never that "perfect size zero" that I thought I needed to be. I remember as early as third grade being made fun. In fact I came home from school crying because one boy kept picking on me and asking me if I was pregnant. Kids are mean, they are cruel! Because of experiences like that, I have always been so self conscious and my self esteem suffered. When I got into middle school I hit a growth spurt, and even though I was thicker, I wasn't way overweight. But it didn't stop the teasing or bullying. In fact, in 7th grade there was a boy I really liked and in an instant message conversation, he wrote me and said how much he really like me too, so maybe if I started eating just salads for a while and lost weight then we could date because he didn't want his friends to make fun of him. I dealt with that kind of stuff my whole life and it wasn't always my weight. My parents didn't have a lot of money so even though I always dressed nicely, my clothes came from Kmart or Walmart or Target and it easily became the butt of someones joke.

No one will ever know the way the things that were said to me effected me in life. They didn't stop to think that those little comments would be running through my head constantly while I suffered for 7 years with two serious eating disorder and addiction to diet pills (and even to this day still mentally deal with ED demons). They will never know the pain that I went through physically and emotionally. They didn't stop to think that even to this day, I feel like I am nothing to everyone because I am not skinny and that I never once feel beautiful. Kenny hosted a bon fire over the weekend and I was literally sick to my stomach meeting new people. I know I have talked several times about my weight and that I am struggling to get back on track with weight watchers, so I was nervous and all I could think of was how embarrassed Kenny must be of me. I texted my best friend that morning and wrote "I don't want to be here today, I don't want to meet new people, I am so grotesquely overweight and I am just embarrassed of myself. Please can I hide out at your house?" and her response was on the lines of that it isn't the numbers on the scale, it's how you carry yourself and she basically told me I was beautiful inside and out and that people aren't that shallow to judge you on a few extra pounds. But the truth is, sometimes they are that shallow, they have been that shallow, and I have experienced it first hand.

Everyone is fighting their own battle. Even the most beautiful person out there, is struggling with something. People come in all different sizes, all different colors, all different backgrounds. We are all different! There is no such thing as a cookie cutter mold. Like I said before, all I dreamed about was getting into a size zero. I starved myself thin, sickly thin, and the smallest size I could fit was a size 7. I have hips and even with hip bones showing, a 7 was the best I could do. There is no perfect weight for us all to be. There is no size we all should wear. Everyone is different!

Bullying has become a huge problem in our society. The rate of teen suicide is up and in many cases, bullying has been to blame. Could you imagine feeling so alone in the world and so out of place, that you feel that ending your life is your only option to just make the hurt end? Could you imagine your own child feeling that way? Parents need to talk to their kids. They watch and learn from us and others. I have had so many talks with Hailey about people and how we are all different. She knows that some families have a mommy and a daddy, or some just a mom or just a dad, some families are just grandparents or aunts and uncles, and sometimes a family is two moms and two dads. We talk about how lucky she is to have the things she has and that there are other people who aren't as lucky as her. She knows that people all look different and talk different. I want her to know that it is okay to be different! Our differences are what makes us each beautiful and I hope that no one ever takes that away from her. I hope she will always be confident and know that no matter what size she is, how tall she is, or what she looks like, that she is beautiful to the world because there is just one her.

We all fight our own battles. None of us know exactly how others feel in the inside. We don't know what scars and memories we carry with us. Don't ever judge a book by it's cover. I just wish the whole world could realize that..........

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